Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 117

"Ssssh!"

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It goes through your mind every time you see her.

9. I couldn't keep my eyes off them.

8. We're trimming fat.

7. We're the only modern country that doesn't recognise the true value of sherbet.

6. Cost will double, then you'll be sorry.

5. It's jealousy, but you didn't hear that from me.

4. The booing was fine, it was the cabbage throwing that he objected to.

3. MGMT, turn it up.

2. The doors are in different places.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You know your workplace has reached a certain standard when you get a laminator.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 116

"These walls have ears."

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's too claustrophobic, I prefer a ceiling that lets you see the sky.

9. If Derren Brown knew the numbers, why didn't he keep it quiet and buy a ticket?

8. You can't see out the windows on those seats.

7. I've got pegs, thanks.

6. He's a primary school teacher, he's got a boyish face and he can sing, he's bound to win, it's been edited that way.

5. Being traditional is hugely overrated.

4. That buggy wouldn't fit in a HGV.

3. The point of the phone is that you don't have to SHOUT to the person at the other end.

2. I expect nothing less than success.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You've bought four packets of brioche, we don't eat it, just because it was on offer, twat.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 115

You never know who might be listening!

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. The flags give the cakes a nice international flavour.

9. Give him my number.

8. They threw the switch and I could feel the electricity begin to throb.

7. Don't pass go, don't collect your poppyseed muffin.

6. It's not addressed correctly, it'll end up being eaten by a sorting machine.

5. Grab your bearings and lets let the finance team have it.

4. The devolution's in the detail.

3. I haven't got my ipod, what am I gonna do?

2. Why does avoiding wheat mean I'm going to recover quicker from a cold?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. What's all this about people being angry about violins on television?

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 114

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Lets get the ball rolling, to prevent misunderstanding.

9. They break for tea, no other sport does that, how British.

8. A holiday is to be endured, not enjoyed.

7. You can't be that fashionable on the number 20.

6. No that's legal, but that one, the red one, most certainly isn't.

5. It was a three-course delight with a pile of excellence placed on top.

4. They all rhymed, which was a novelty and really brightened up the meeting.

3. I'm doubling how much I charge now too.

2. I was shoved right up against the wall and it took me ten minutes to get my breath back.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. The waiter practically propositioned me there and then, but I had already called for a fast black, otherwise, who knows?

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 113

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It was a threatening message, wrapped in a lemon drizzle cake.

9. We are bound to get caught up in the whole furore.

8. You speak as if you have authority, but you know that you know nothing, right?

7. Huge organic onions on special offer, I'm there!

6. Pixie Lott, the most un-rock and roll name in history, ever.

5. My hopes are high, he's bought a ring.

4. Don't give me that rubbish, you know that he's letting another four of us go.

3. It's exact change only, or you lose an eye.

2. Futurama is coming back, I'm so excited.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I think that the news reporting on exams getting easier, has gotten easier.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses (Week Before) Last Week ; 112

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's an old Motown record.

9. It's gathered like moss in a crevice.

8. The fresh start starts... here, NOW!

7. The route terminates when the road runs out.

6. They use to say 'keep calm, carry on', I long to bring it back.

5. Don't be patronised, but Jane that's not right.

4. 18 delays so far this morning.

3. I whacked her in the ankles with the doors, I laughed like Sid James.

2. Shove your TravelPass where the sun don't shiny, sweetie.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Jazz and drinks, we were the youngest people there, it was like a musical version of Cocoon.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 111

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I wasn't invested in the characters enough.

9. I would agree with you in the sense that you are wrong.

8. He went to my school and is still a prick.

7. He can't drink alcohol anymore, so he's taken up snuff.

6. Four-pounds ten, but I've rounded it up to a fiver.

5. They promised to me they'd report back.

4. These ones rattle like a haunted horse and carriage.

3. Don't you dare think you can steal from me in a romantic way.

2. The new season is starting soon, hoorah!

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Oh look, here comes the walking, talking shopper-without-portfolio.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 110

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He took me to one side, the other side was occupied.

9. Don't do the obvious, do the strange.

8. It's a ghost bus, there's never anyone on it, not even a driver.

7. Stop picking at it, it'll get worse.

6. Jordan's got swine flu, poor thing.

5. I'm a petite size 9.

4. Making anything rhyme with Malcolm isn't easy.

3. I have half an hour before they threaten me again.

2. The sandwich is toast.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Something just fell off the bus, just above the driver's neck!

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Police Urge Town-Wide Unleading Of Pencils After Precious Metals Thefts

Wiltshire Police have urged residents to be on their guard after a dramatic increase in the number of metal thefts across Swindon.

"Clearly, these people know who they are and we urge anyone who may have seen anyone acting suspiciously, carrying lead sheeting on board buses, for example, to get in touch." That comment from Matthew Picket, Medium Level Inspector for Precious Metals and Counterfeit Confectionery.

There are early signs that the crackdown has begun, three men were arrested on Friday afternoon. They aroused attention as they tried to carry a seventeen foot long steel ingot along Princes Street.

Swindon Centric Says ; Lead inside school pencils is to be removed and stored in a secure, undisclosed location until World metal prices begin to fall. Rumours that the Borough Council is to use the recovered lead to line a nuclear bunker underneath the Civic Offices have not been dismissed this hour.

Swindon's Art ; Murals For Our Town Please

Following our interactive user interface (an online poll) we can reveal the majority of those taking part wanted a new programme of murals for Swindon.

85% of those thought a new set of murals, made famous by the efforts of local hero Ken White, was what the town needed.

Swindon Centric Says ; Perhaps the building of a town centre university will give Swindon's art community bigger and better lobbying power to push for a scheme like this.

My Police Station Is Now A Trendy Wine Bar

After last week's news that Wiltshire Constabulary is at the best average but mostly falling below that standard and in the relegation area when it comes to national ranking, confidence in the county's force is not good.

So today's details that there are three police stations open to the public throughout the county will not do much to boost it.

PR spin from the force is that 90 percent of people contact the police by phone, so there's no need to have physical stations sounds familiar.

Soon, vast call centres will be outsourced to Asia and all the branches will become trendy wine bars.

Swindon Centric Says ; There is another way you know, use the force.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 23

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . You know you should feel sorry for the Tories, but who really cares?

9 . I know, I couldn't believe he could do that, until I saw the pictures.

8 . He'd taken all the folders and hidden them under the bed.

7 . She said 'you're paranoid', I said, 'no I'm not I'm Buddist'.

6 . I've done my Christmas shopping, for 2008, not this year's yet though.

5 . You must be a real riot at parties.

4 . He offered me counselling, all I wanted was a refund.

3 . Pretty soon there'll be a congestion charge on pedestrians.

2 . I rarely use my mobile phone, except to take pictures. I use my camera for sending texts though, so it all evens out.

And the top ten overheard phrase from Swindon's buses last week, according to the Strictly Come Dancing judges, is...

1 . They're getting free tickets to a future game because they played so badly, why didn't we get free season tickets for the past few years then?

Overheard something we missed through you ipod ear buds? Been told about a conversation that was far more juicy? If so, let us know.

Resident Takes Picture Of Cat, Whole Town Shocked

The Swindon Beaver Herald today continued it's policy of breaking non-news as real, meaty current affairs when it printed a photo and article about a resident's cat which has slightly unusual markings.

Mrs Timpson's four year old ginger tom-cat is unique in his local area for having a slight purple streak down his left front leg.

"When we saw this, I immediately knocked the story of the oversized onions from the front page and asked the picture desk to blow up this picture as big as possible. I was saying to myself as I filed down my nails, 'what a scoop' ". That quote from the Swindon Beaver Herald's editor, Perry White.

Swindon Centric Says ; What will they run with tomorrow? Pensioner who knits a house shaped jumper? Town's biggest cottage pie? Swindon's first annual watermelon eating competition? We can only hope.

Weather Trained Housebuilders Predict Sunshine & No Showers At Front Garden

Following the flooding of the area in July, developers carving up the Front Garden area have assured us that the homes to be built there will not flood.

They've even spun that news by saying it wouldn't happen even in the worst floods in a thousand years.

So that means the houses in Wichelstowe will either be the best designed against flooding like the ones in the Netherlands, or that the developers are telling porkie pies.

Swindon Centric Says ; Does anyone in one of those insurances offices along Commercial Road want to give us a rough assessment of what it might cost to insure against flooding on one of these houses? Go on, quote us wet, or dry!

Fresh Air Theft Makes Front Page ; Real News Shoved To Page 50

For the sake of an attention grabbing headline the Swindon Beaver Herald has placed it's real news on the backburner this Friday.

It led with a story about how a gang have been seen in Regent Circus at midnight every night for the past week collecting Swindon fresh air in decorative 250 gram boxes.

"We have reason to believe that these individuals are selling this Swindon fresh air on the black market. The latest craze to follow on from bottled water is container based fresh air."

That comment from Officer Martin Pete of the Wiltshire Constabulary.

There were various puns about police getting their breath and the sweet smell of air, but we won't repeat them here.

Swindon Centric Says ; The real stories buried in the centre of the paper included the eruption of the Swindon volcano called Bertha, but you'll know all about that by now.

Towering Inferno ; Burnt Victoria Sponge Causes Panic In Town

In a quiet news day and call-out day for our emergency services, a jam and cream victoria sponge caused much drama earlier today.

Mrs Peggy Trellis of Northwick Park Avenue, Victoria Road had just put in a cinnamon flavoured sponge cake to bake at 11.30am, but got distracted by some slugs on her pumpkins in her back garden.

" I'd been busy all morning and just thought I'd take a break in the garden for twenty minutes while the cake rose in the oven. I started clearing some slugs from round our vegetables and got so engrossed I lost track of time. The next thing I knew I heard a helicopter, blue flashing lights went passed and there was a cloud of smoke coming out of the oven.

A cloud of toxic-sweet smelling cinnamon from the burnt cake drifted over Old Town casting a shadow all over the Kingshill Road area. At one point nosey parkers reported the cloud was visible from the International Space Station, on Google Earth satellites and Wootton Bassett.

" We get called to this type if incident once a year on average, so taking no chances we rolled out all our equipment." Chief fire officer, Sam Samuels.

Fireman Sam reported they had not overreated by sending seven appliances, one with a big ladder on the roof, three sets of cutting gear and two inflatable rescue boats.

He added all equipment was used, though he admitted the two rescue boats struggled for space next to Japanese Koi in Mrs Trellis' ornamental pond.

Swindon Centric Says ; Thinking of making fairy cakes with the kids on the weekend? Don't take the risk.

PS - The cutting equipment was used to divide up the unburnt cake, which was shared round to tired firemen and neighbours. After tea was served the street was shut, a piano was brought out and a rendition of 'Roll Out The Barrel' kicked off a street party which is expected to go on late into the night.

Swindon Clicks ; Custard Costs Top Letter Writers Worry Woes

The results of our latest user interactive interface are in and have been counted via the office casio calculator.

By a majority of 60%, voters want the next important subject of the local Swindon Beaver Herald's letters page to be the alarming rising cost of custard.

Other options on the vote were discussion of the town's nuclear defence shield and the major fault line, which scored 20% of the vote each.

Swindon Centric Says ; We'll have a week long 'cut the cost of custard' campaign launching tomorrow, unless some more exciting news breaks before we can publish it, such as a nuclear strike, or the big earthquake central Swindon is predicted to suffer before the end of the year.

Swindon Olympics 2012 - Back The Bid

Lord Seb Coe visited Swindon today to try and make the rest of the UK feel less left out of the mostly London 2012 Olympic Games.

He said people didn't realise quite how close Swindon is to London. Clearly, Brunel must have known, when placing the works here, just how far it was from London.

Councillors lapped up the visit of a celeb to the town, just the sort of thing that makes them for a change feel like they're involved in national politics and events.

Swindon Centric Says ; Unless the East side of Swindon is marked out with white paint as the far end of the long-jump sandpit, the link Swindon will have to the 2012 games will be the people travelling to see it in the capital. Get ready Great Western, book your seat now Olympic rail-goers!

Building At Coate - That's Soo Last Year?

Another week, another amount of policy fuzziness on the building at Coate plan.

First we were told that nothing would get built unless a university was to go with it.

Then we were assured the Council were in discussion with several universities.

Following the University Of Bath dropping out, a plea was given for any other universities which were interested to make themselves know.

The next twist was the comments made by the Great Western Hospital, which made clear it would not support development since the developers had not set aside enough land needed. They had suggested the GWH use land planned for an extended park-and-ride instead.

Not exactly an appropriate suggestion for an area meant to be a shining example of sustainability is it?

Then, the University Of The West Of England is believed to be in talks with the Council to build a campus at North Star. Bringing us full circle to the discussions several years ago of a town centre university.

Swindon Centric Says ; Just build it at North Star, if it's a failure at least we can still go back to Coate, the land will still be there. Won't it?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 15

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . If I was going to murder someone, that's how I'd do it.

9 . Ipods are the new walkmans.

8 . They call it a bowser on BBC 1, a water tank on Sky, shows the difference in quality.

7 . Its probably still in the fridge, growing it's own strain of stem cells.

6 . No, if I get it on here it's still ten pence cheaper.

5 . I'm going to the Mela, there'll be curry I hear.

4 . I've worn it before, but you just have never noticed.

3 . I can see, I can see perfectly thank you.

2 . When they asked if anyone objected I wanted to jump up and shout, but didn't want to upset anybody.

And the top rated overheard phrase uttered on Swindon's buses last week is...

1 . How far away is Tewkesbury anyway?

Overheard something more juicy? Let us know.