Terrorist Sweets Next On Axis Of Evil List ; Bush Get's His Gun

After four envelopes of sherbert lovehearts were received at Zurich's Wootton Bassett office and caused a level three terrorist alert (there was panic buying of bottled water and winegums at the local Co-Op, this was due to a special offer it's thought), terrorists throughout the Borough are thought to be taking notes.

Namely if you send anthrax or possibly some really cheap and harsh hand cream disguised as sugary, Valentine's Day connected confectionary, you're bound to get found out.

Rumour that this afternoon a controlled explosion was carried out on a bottle of coke on Mannington Rec have been confirmed as kids putting mentos and coke together to create an explosion twice as big as the Hiroshima bomb.



Swindon Centric Says ; And We Thought Coke Was Bad For Our Teeth! Blimey!

Terrorists Caused Town's Fog, Bin Laden Spotted In The Express Check-Out Line At Tesco

The stubborn fog experienced by the whole of Swindon in the week before Christmas was not a mere atmospheric fluke as most innocently minded residents thought.

Swindon Centric's main office in Swindon was tipped off over Christmas ( a message was left on our answerphone) by an un-named member of the Met Office based in Bristol, we won't reveal his real name, but for the sake of this important story, we will call him Richard Langwin who can be seen Monday's to Friday's, 6.30pm on BBC1's Points West regional news show.

The low-lying cloud which shrouded Swindon for several days was, it transpires, sponsored by Osama Bin Laden. After being thwarted from causing disruption to air travel by restrictions on taking liquids and charcoal briquettes on board international flights the best he could come up with was dense, low-lying cloud, which may not have directly killed anyone, but certainly put folks in a rum-mood and increased levels of the winter condition, SAD with sunlight blocked from cheering people up.

Rumours that the US's Air Forces' B-52's, based at RAF Fairford, carpet-bombed a suspected terrorist cave hideout at St Andrew's Ridge on Boxing Day remain unconfirmed tonight.