Wi-Failed : Double-Feature Coming Soon!

The accounts of Swindon's drunken dalliance with the money black-hole Digital City (they promised to bring us all free wi-fi and unlock a money-making machine and, well, it didn't happen, but they did spend all their money, but on what exactly?) will soon be published.

Get. The. Popcorn.

Superfast Wi-Fi Cover Is Here

That's right! After ages of waiting, the ultimate flack cover for the pesky business deal that went south is now here.

It'll resemble the first deal in nearly no respects, but because of it's flexible ability to be spun in any direction required, this non-feature will never be noticed (subject to beta testing). That's right, don't delay, call today and order your superfast broadband flack cover!

By The Numbers on Honda and BMW

A statistical analysis of North Swindon MP Justin Tomlinson's weekly column from the Swindon Advertiser about the Honda news.

Frequency of works and phrases within the column -

I = 4

We = 7

Investment = 6

Manufacturing = 4

Debt = 1

Reckless = 1

Financial Sector = 1

Our = 5

Skilled = 2

Jobs = 2

Recession = 0

By The Numbers on Croft School

A statistical analysis of Swindon Borough Council Leader Rod Bluh's weekly column from the Swindon Advertiser in which he defends the construction of the new Croft Primary School.

Frequency of words and phrases within the column -

I = 4

We = 7

OFSTED = 1

Children = 5

Class Solutions = 0

Business Opportunity = 0

Consultation = 0

Cost Overrun = 0

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 249

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. That foot of yours will have to go.

9. I see no reason we can't have pasta tonight. But I'd prefer a curry.

8. Your afternoon has been rather terrifying.

7. She was asked to return after it had gone back to it's usual size.

6. Mousy, tousled, that type of thing.

5. There's no internal dialogue, I mean I did have my earphones on at that point.

4. Less is very much more, but only on spec.

3. There's no philosophy connected with it, it's just money-grabbing.

2. He's a lot smaller, but that does make him quicker in several respects.


And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Your teeth can't itch, it's the same rubbish people talk about having your heart in your mouth, unless you're eating haggis.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 248

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. This was totally what he warned me would happen even without me sleeping with him.

9. Let me just test out that theory on my thighs, I'll see how I get on.

8. It's an original jumper before they started moving production to Asia and everything was made out of crumbly thread.

7. Round up those paper-thin people from accounts and get them drunk.

6. Zaha is that woman I use to go to zumba with before she got thin.

5. It's not a new one, but it will do I suppose.

4. Imagine for a minute I care about what you're saying, just for a minute.

3. You can't brag about those shoes, look at them, they're not fit to be seen in the dark in.

2. No potatoes have gone up and I'm always at a loose end with them.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I can't prove the moon orbits the earth, but like Mike and his wandering eyes, I know it happens.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Reinventing the Portakabin

The discussions about the Croft School centre on one fact that has not been clearly established.

Has Swindon Borough Council built an unnecessary school in a district that didn't need one with decisions that were influenced by it's commercial interests in the building methods of the structure?

Swindon Centric Says ; As today's Swindon Advertiser editorial comment says, "It would be nice if the people who paid for the school were deemed important enough to be told the truth".

More about Class Solutions (the modular school building design that Croft is the testbed for) and whether it smells of Digital City in a future post.

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 247

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He needs to be kept in check, follow him at lunchtime.

9. It won't be as easy as you make out.

8. I'm not telling you what to tell him, I'm just giving my side of the story.

7. Not very flattering, but I can't understand why you're that bothered by it all.

6. Does Sarah have a coloured baby? Does she have a brown baby?

5. Well I can't do that with these swollen fingers, can I?

4. There are no legal grounds for it's suppression.

3. Steam it open, no one will know, or care.

2. Starting a war is never a business growth move in telesales.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. She looked like she'd have been happier sitting in a chair, with a damp cloth on a her face and someone rubbing her feet.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 246

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's character building, like divorce.

9. They're brothers but everyone knows he was adopted, meanwhile he was an accident.

8. Everyone had to deal with sore balls, until you get that cream.

7. It's worth £4 each, or 2 for £8.

6. Forget bonding, I had a cracking night on my own with a takeaway.

5. His flat is all well and good, but you can't retire on it can you?

4. There's fire in it, but that might just be the lactic acid.

3. You've never used the word 'medaled' before.

2. Put Sarah down, she does not want to be moved like that.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1.Dressage? Dressage? No idea what it is, but I'm drawn to watch it.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Sunday Satire

Just a bit of fun.