Poverty Is Relative ; To How Much You Spend

Any coverage of child poverty, especially if you can localise it to your own town is welcomed.

However, if you find a local example to show this plight, surely you'd listen to what they said and possibly pause and say "pardon", when they tell you how much they spend on their child's school uniform.

Kerry Thomas said how difficult things are for her, with little spare money. But she also said she spent £200 on her five year-old son's school uniform.

Swindon Centric Says ; What is costing her £200 in uniform wares? Did she not hear about the £4 uniform that Asda launched in the summer. It may have sold out, but the 'normal' prices are still cheaper than £200.

Man Named Sadam Is News (Hmm)

That's right, there's a man in a Swindon chip shop called Sadam Hussein.

Why should we care?

Because it's news, damn it!

Swindon Centric Says ; If you know of any locals who look like anyone famous then please, keep it to yourself and don't tell us.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 41

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. A policy planner, means nothing to real people.

9. I told him to stick it on the front page and see how many we sell.

8. That's a good one.

7. Eggs are like Stephen Fry, highly versatile.

6. My shoes smell like chips.

5. Lets call if off.

4. Look it up in a phone book, lazy sod.

3. I brought the whole thing back up, in glorious technicolor.

2. That's a first.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You'd better hurry up, we're nearly there.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 40

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Don't do it, it really isn't worth it.

9. He moaned about not being caught speeding, when the reason he was stopped was dangerous driving.

8. We've got ten minutes left, should see the cliffhanger.

7. No, no, they reattached his middle finger, shame.

6. People don't queue anymore.

5. Religion is like a pie, we know better, but we just can't help ourselves.

4. Anyone who thought they were so cool banking with egg have got it all over their face now.

3. Remove the foil first, otherwise you'll be in for a shock.

2. They'll be offering mortgages on park benches soon.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You can't order that, the waiter will think you're a pleb, we all know you are but he doesn't know that.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 39

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . She's a grown woman for goodness sake.

9 . Coronation Street is mindless toss, for people from Manchester it's an insult, there are no cobbled streets any more.

8 . If you twist it until you get the feeling it's about to snap, then let go and jump out the way, that'll do it.

7 . I know what to do, I'm on a scheme.

6 . McDonalds are going to start giving A-Levels in Franglais.

5 . Hooray for sausage rolls.

4 . He's got a free pass, that can't be right.

3 . Advertising Executives are responsible for global warming, all the hot air.

2 . I listened carefully, for twenty minutes, but I still wasn't interested.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . He lives in a raincoat and has to pay council tax.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

McDonalds : Do You Want Fries And Heartburn With Your A-Level?

Sometimes, satire based blogs and other sources of current affair based comedy don't even have to bother to get a laugh, hence yesterday's announcement.

Swindon Centric Says ; Employees note, you can get an 'A*' grade on these A-Levels by using a star from your name badge.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 38

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . I just bought a shredder, it's changed my life.

9 . If you do it a second time, it's very different.

8 . Depends what type of bug it is.

7 . They are very cagey.

6 . Sell them up and ship out.

5 . I never litter.

4 . Law of averages says it's going to happen, it's the law.

3 . I know someone who has panic attacks about panic attacks.

2 . Three-hundred and sixty-two days to go.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . With a touch of water and some rubbing, it'll come up gleaming.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 37

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.


10 . I thought it was over, but it's not.

9 . Minstrel?

8 . I love a bit of it.

7 . It's the no-diet diet.

6 . Bowl of soap and a bacon sandwich will do me.

5 . He went hell-for-leather.

4 . Sisters are like snowflakes, they all have subtle differences.

3 . It sinks by nine inches, I can relate to that.

2 . If you average it out, but if it only happens once, you can't average it, can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . My big toes have a mind of their own.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 36

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . She kept shouting, "Jake, Jake, get out of the water."

9 . There's a growing band of us who no longer find him funny.

8 . It makes a flea market look tidy and organised.

7 . He's some billionaire, they're ten-a-penny these days.

6 . If they reduce the price any further, they'll be giving us money to take the stuff away.

5 . It's about as glamorous as conditioning your hair in a mud bath.

4 . Small percentages, seven percent, nine percent, that's a healthy return these days.

3 . It's all about change, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

2 . The woman's got a fixation about the colour purple, what does that tell you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . Their wedding was cowboy themed, they didn't say, "I do", they said, "yee-harr", it took a lot for us to not shout out, "rawhide".

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 35

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . What the hell is a caucus anyway?

9 . They had smoke damaged Christmas pudding for half-price.

8 . She can't carry a tune in a bucket, let alone three bags of shopping.

7 . No, it's the stop before that stop.

6 . I very nearly got hit by a flying champagne cork.

5 . No, there were police everywhere, needless to say, nobody got arrested.

4 . Only three-hundred and eighty-three days left.

3 . It's the kipper season.

2 . You can't buy class can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . She was happy when I produced three biscuits.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 34

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . But he never admits to making those mistakes.

9 . If you saw what we saw, well, it'd be more fun than a Only Fools & Horses Christmas Special.

8 . It's not Christmas until Tuesday, does anyone apart from me actually know that?

7 . Why is everyone shopping like the end is nigh, the shops only shut for two days.

6 . This festive season I'm putting weight on for the whole family.

5 . People who actually eat mince pies are like those that support keeping the army in Iraq, each year there's less and less of them.

4 . If those carol singers turn up again you'll have to help me barricade the front door with the tree, that crate of beer and half a dozen tins of quality street.

3 . They're doing a 'let's find an Oliver for Oliver Twist' reality show next year, my new year's resolution is to burn my sky plus box.

2 . We didn't get a tree, I swear the neighbours looked at us like we had two heads.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . It's easy to spot the office tart, she's the one who dresses up in the 'sexy santa helper' outfit, like dental hygienists, they just lure men in, they must be stopped.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Corked! Councillor Frightened Of Recycling ; Skips Meeting Due To Phobia

We may not be writing about Christmas, but we are on that current small-town staple ; recycling.

The Borough Council cabinet member for the environment cancelled a meeting, in which he would face questions about the new refuse and recycling service, at the last minute, because he wasn't prepared enough for it.

Other councillors said Mr David Wren was informed a month ago of the meeting and that his excuse is not acceptable. They also said most senior councillors have a good enough knowledge of their areas to be ready for a meeting at a day's notice.

Mr Wren defended himself by saying he wasn't informed until two days before and didn't have time to organise.

Councillor Des Moffat said that since he knew he would face a barrage of questions about the new service and the problems with it and that was the reason he didn't show up.

Swindon Centric Says ; Phobia of open space, confined space, spiders, flying, recycling boxes and wheelie bins, ehh?! Did we miss something?

LATE UPDATE

News from the National Centre For Phobia Awareness is that the latest treatment for sufferers of Envirophobia is to hide in a traditional steel rubbish bin, covered by the lid, a la Top Cat. Mr Wren, we know what we're getting you for Christmas!

If You Can Find A Non-Christmas Story, Tell Us

Despite Christmas being a week away and the festive season having started sometime in October, there still seems to be plenty of related non-news stories to be run.

We've had the 'less shopping this Christmas' story from the business community, the 'charity related Santa wearing runners story', the 'family encountered mild misfortune and can't afford to spend ten thousand pounds on children this year', so what else is left?

The staff here at Swindon Centric can safely predict within the next week :

1. A family having the exterior of their house decorated with more bulbs than RAF Lyneham's main runway.

2. Reminding all households to recycle their Christmas cards, despite nearly all being in possession of a recycling box, which accept paper and cardboard.

3. A man from Old Town who has personally grown all the food needed for his Christmas dinner organically, accompanied by a photograph of the still alive organically reared turkey in his back garden called Noel.

Swindon Centric Says ; In the remaining week before the usual festive madness on Monday and Tuesday we will try and find as much real news as we can.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 33

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . Oh, I'm sorry.

9 . Depends how you define speaking English.

8 . He didn't say anything, not a word of it.

7 . She has more jeans than Levi.

6 . I got a reservation, how's that for service?

5 . In times of crisis, I turn to cottage pie.

4 . No, they're not my gloves.

3 . I can confirm, you really are an idiot.

2 . They've put mistletoe above the queue in the bank, I got away sadly unmolested.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is ...

1 . He said it had probably been lost in the post, everyone's using that excuse these days.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 32

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . What exactly is a figgie pudding?

9 . There's Mat, stick your finger up at him.

8 . People keep giving me sideways glances.

7 . There's a special place in hell for those people who play 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day'.

6 . Everyone's buying LED fairy lights, they're energy saving, you could just not put up any lights and save the planet that way.

5 . It's my record of the week.

4 . That kid needs a bloody good hiding for Christmas.

3 . People seem to forget about Sven, he was foreign.

2 . She said she had a festive bra, we all held back from asking if she had any puddings to put in it.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . They've already got Easter eggs set up, I nearly fainted into the chocolate coins.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 31

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

9 . No, they're still out on strike.

8 . One day they're getting told off for sending offensive emails, then they're getting praised for giving to charity.

7 . You can get cream for that now, I tried the pills, they are huge.

6 . We're a savvy breed, us last-minute shoppers.

5 . I learned a lot from the course, whoever thought hot stone massage could be so in depth.

4 . There's a right way and a wrong way to bake scones and her way is not just wrong, it's 'blindfolded and wrong'.

3 . How do I finish it off, I want to make it sound believable.

2 . That clock's usually slow, apart from the rare occasions it's fast.

And the top ten overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . No, I don't claim child benefit, so I'm laughing.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

CID Re-examining Town Murders & Rapes

A Major Investigation Team are looking at previously unsolved crimes in Swindon. But authorities are not confirming a connection with convicted murderer Ulrich Muenstermann, who hid from German authorities in Swindon in the early 1990s.

Muenstermann was arrested in 1993, at his house in the town. He had been a suspect, linked by DNA, in the killing of Karen Oehme in Dulmen, Germany. A French magistrate appealed for information from Swindon residents about him in connection with the 1989 killing of Sylvie Baton.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you have any information, click here.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 30

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . But can he afford that kind of expense?

9 . Leeks are hugely underrated.

8 . It was a long dark tunnel, what can I say?

7 . Californication is the new Desperate Housewives.

6 . He just wants to help the police.

5 . Who goes hang gliding these days, not me.

4 . I knew he was going to trip up, like when something falls off a checkout belt, you can see it happening.

3 . A fanta and a packet of wotsits is not the way to start the day.

2 . When it's sunny, it still feels mild.

And the top ten overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is.

1 . I've spent all my money on lead paint covered toys for Christmas, ho ho ho.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

James Gray Survives Deselection ; Sir Humphrey Gets Scheming

MP for North Wiltshire, James Gray, survived a deselection bid by the local Conservative Association last night. 181 voted in his favour and 104 against.

This is the same MP who recently refused to say how many staff he employed in his office. Indeed, he didn't say "no comment", he said "it's none of your business".

We did debate whether or not to run this story since we didn't get any verbal confirmation from Mr Gray that he approved.

Swindon Centric Says ; But we don't really mind what he says, it's none of his business what we cover anyway.

Police Urge Town-Wide Unleading Of Pencils After Precious Metals Thefts

Wiltshire Police have urged residents to be on their guard after a dramatic increase in the number of metal thefts across Swindon.

"Clearly, these people know who they are and we urge anyone who may have seen anyone acting suspiciously, carrying lead sheeting on board buses, for example, to get in touch." That comment from Matthew Picket, Medium Level Inspector for Precious Metals and Counterfeit Confectionery.

There are early signs that the crackdown has begun, three men were arrested on Friday afternoon. They aroused attention as they tried to carry a seventeen foot long steel ingot along Princes Street.

Swindon Centric Says ; Lead inside school pencils is to be removed and stored in a secure, undisclosed location until World metal prices begin to fall. Rumours that the Borough Council is to use the recovered lead to line a nuclear bunker underneath the Civic Offices have not been dismissed this hour.