It's summer, it's Swindon, so it must be something other than news in the news!
That's right, staff, we are told, at the Great Western Hospital, are in mourning for the resident swan.
Swindon Centric Says ; Council discussions begin in the morning about funeral arrangements, details include a parade route, a twenty-one gun salute and a red arrows flypast.
That would be press releases disguised as news about as well as a dame at a panto. McDonalds has been in Swindon town centre for twenty-five years.
Swindon Centric Says ; 25 years, it feels like more. Oh wait... no that's just heartburn.
Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.
10. I'm going to be medaled at my next appraisal.
9. The first touch is pretty magical.
8. A man with a hat has just turned up.
7. Check that digital display.
6. Genius. pure genius.
5. Verbs really are past their best.
4. You can't bring a bike on here, unless it's self-assembly.
3. I kid you not.
2. Isn't bronze just another shade of gold?
And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...
1. Well, when you put it like that, I've got it pretty good really.
Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.
Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.
10. I'm sorry, you lost me when you started talking.
9. It's impossible to tell, unless you tilt your head this way.
8. Kissing your teammates is hugely underrated.
7. Apples that large really require a license to transport.
6. It took 500 man hours to produce the elephant.
5. This seat is far superior to that seat.
4. We received a smattering of applause and a book token.
3. No, he's holding all of the balls right now.
2. It's designer, but I'll have to clean off the marks before I take it in for a refund.
And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...
1. I killed him, I killed him dead, but don't shout it too loudly.
Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.
LATE BREAKING NEWS
Details have just reached us in the last few minutes of a shocking story that is breaking across the town this evening. A source we'll call Maria, from Swindon Borough Council has contacted us to say that a secret survey conducted this week has some shocking results.
Surveys of the contents of the entire Borough issued general waste wheelie bins makes for upsetting reading. The headlines look like this ;
- 46% contain general household unrecyclable waste.
- 17% contain general household recyclable waste. Those lazy people will be dealt with.
- 14% contain missing government laptops and data discs.
- 9% contain nothing as those residents eat their waste. They will be dealt with by the people in white coats.
- Another 9% are being used as dens in those residents gardens.
- 3% are being used to transport a jazz band and their instruments to a gig in Old Town.
- And the final 2% are actually bottomless...
Swindon Centric Says ; And for those freaky highly-strung residents moaning in the previous story, they all contain maggots. Get over it.
Besides if you have one of the 3% with the ' Swindon All Star Jazz Upbeaters Band ' in them, then as you sluice them out with boiling water, you can bop along to the jazz rhythms, everyone's a winner.
As others have noticed, the news about maggots in Swindon bins is one of todays top stories.
As unbelievable as it is, some Swindon residents have been living in shock during the warm summer months because of maggots growing in their fortnightly rubbish collection. Surely this happened before we had wheelie bins and if residents aren't semi-regularly sluicing out their bin, they have themselves to blame.
Swindon Centric Says ; Maggots, high temperatures and decomposing rubbish, oh my!
