Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 117

"Ssssh!"

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10. It goes through your mind every time you see her.

9. I couldn't keep my eyes off them.

8. We're trimming fat.

7. We're the only modern country that doesn't recognise the true value of sherbet.

6. Cost will double, then you'll be sorry.

5. It's jealousy, but you didn't hear that from me.

4. The booing was fine, it was the cabbage throwing that he objected to.

3. MGMT, turn it up.

2. The doors are in different places.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You know your workplace has reached a certain standard when you get a laminator.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 116

"These walls have ears."

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10. It's too claustrophobic, I prefer a ceiling that lets you see the sky.

9. If Derren Brown knew the numbers, why didn't he keep it quiet and buy a ticket?

8. You can't see out the windows on those seats.

7. I've got pegs, thanks.

6. He's a primary school teacher, he's got a boyish face and he can sing, he's bound to win, it's been edited that way.

5. Being traditional is hugely overrated.

4. That buggy wouldn't fit in a HGV.

3. The point of the phone is that you don't have to SHOUT to the person at the other end.

2. I expect nothing less than success.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You've bought four packets of brioche, we don't eat it, just because it was on offer, twat.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 115

You never know who might be listening!

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10. The flags give the cakes a nice international flavour.

9. Give him my number.

8. They threw the switch and I could feel the electricity begin to throb.

7. Don't pass go, don't collect your poppyseed muffin.

6. It's not addressed correctly, it'll end up being eaten by a sorting machine.

5. Grab your bearings and lets let the finance team have it.

4. The devolution's in the detail.

3. I haven't got my ipod, what am I gonna do?

2. Why does avoiding wheat mean I'm going to recover quicker from a cold?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. What's all this about people being angry about violins on television?

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 114

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Lets get the ball rolling, to prevent misunderstanding.

9. They break for tea, no other sport does that, how British.

8. A holiday is to be endured, not enjoyed.

7. You can't be that fashionable on the number 20.

6. No that's legal, but that one, the red one, most certainly isn't.

5. It was a three-course delight with a pile of excellence placed on top.

4. They all rhymed, which was a novelty and really brightened up the meeting.

3. I'm doubling how much I charge now too.

2. I was shoved right up against the wall and it took me ten minutes to get my breath back.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. The waiter practically propositioned me there and then, but I had already called for a fast black, otherwise, who knows?

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 113

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It was a threatening message, wrapped in a lemon drizzle cake.

9. We are bound to get caught up in the whole furore.

8. You speak as if you have authority, but you know that you know nothing, right?

7. Huge organic onions on special offer, I'm there!

6. Pixie Lott, the most un-rock and roll name in history, ever.

5. My hopes are high, he's bought a ring.

4. Don't give me that rubbish, you know that he's letting another four of us go.

3. It's exact change only, or you lose an eye.

2. Futurama is coming back, I'm so excited.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I think that the news reporting on exams getting easier, has gotten easier.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses (Week Before) Last Week ; 112

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10. It's an old Motown record.

9. It's gathered like moss in a crevice.

8. The fresh start starts... here, NOW!

7. The route terminates when the road runs out.

6. They use to say 'keep calm, carry on', I long to bring it back.

5. Don't be patronised, but Jane that's not right.

4. 18 delays so far this morning.

3. I whacked her in the ankles with the doors, I laughed like Sid James.

2. Shove your TravelPass where the sun don't shiny, sweetie.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Jazz and drinks, we were the youngest people there, it was like a musical version of Cocoon.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 111

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I wasn't invested in the characters enough.

9. I would agree with you in the sense that you are wrong.

8. He went to my school and is still a prick.

7. He can't drink alcohol anymore, so he's taken up snuff.

6. Four-pounds ten, but I've rounded it up to a fiver.

5. They promised to me they'd report back.

4. These ones rattle like a haunted horse and carriage.

3. Don't you dare think you can steal from me in a romantic way.

2. The new season is starting soon, hoorah!

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Oh look, here comes the walking, talking shopper-without-portfolio.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 110

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He took me to one side, the other side was occupied.

9. Don't do the obvious, do the strange.

8. It's a ghost bus, there's never anyone on it, not even a driver.

7. Stop picking at it, it'll get worse.

6. Jordan's got swine flu, poor thing.

5. I'm a petite size 9.

4. Making anything rhyme with Malcolm isn't easy.

3. I have half an hour before they threaten me again.

2. The sandwich is toast.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Something just fell off the bus, just above the driver's neck!

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 109

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. She's the grandmother-in-chief.

9. The clock is running.

8. Road humps be damned, here I go!

7. It smells worse than Destiny's armpit.

6. You say potato, I say ; potential chip-based meal.

5. They are mounting like a pile of unsold cardboard recycling.

4. He wrote the whole series and didn't go mad.

3. I know all the lyrics, but don't know the tune.

2. The cholesterol is washing over me right now.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. When they misspelt my job, 'booker' on the website, I had to change my phone number.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 108

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I faked an English accent all the way home.

9. A stand-up bloke if there ever was one.

8. Would you like to get a cup of coffee?

7. There are no depths to which he will plunge.

6. You have to tell her the truth, that one leg is shorter than the other.

5. Don't sit there, that seat is cursed.

4. Deep, deep down, I wonder what she's thinking.

3. Your sense of style could put the fear of the devil into Donna Karan.

2. The flooding is a ploy, there is a secret plot afoot in this town.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. He died with his balloon on.

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New Wedding Service Route

Swindon Centric is wondering if the wedding gossip will turn up on next week's top ten list.

Congratulations to Elaine and Mark.

Swindon Centric Says ; New route, exact 'yes' or 'no' only please, no waiting.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 107

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I would only ever consider that if I was a major lead in a soap.

9. I hear they got it worse in the street opposite.

8. Grab your cockles and lets go.

7. The 14, 29, then 1 and 1A.

6. Why does everyone have to like The Beatles?

5. Sarah Perry is hotter than a bag of chips.

4. I'm meant to get off at the stop after the shopping centre, which one?

3. Keep your eyes on me and see if I lie.

2. I have a selection of options available, but I can't remember any of them.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Would you care to start with a cocktail, or should we just get down to it?

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 106

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. She's hot, take a look.

9. Have you tried readjusting your RAM?

8. The icing thicken rather too quickly for my liking.

7. She'll go into the next year with a new tutor and an old attitude.

6. I shouted, threw a few things, seemed to do the trick.

5. We're at a category 3, when it goes up to 4, things will start falling from the sky.

4. I'm sick of people going on about the weather, but it has been hot, hasn't it?

3. Once they reach the end of the route the driver gets out and has a little dance.

2. Your positive thoughts have been duly noted but I'm still scared to death.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I can't believe I've just had a letter from Marks & Sparks recalling my three year old hammock, due to weather deterioration.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 105

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's their golden years, more like gold-plated.

9. I couldn't even spell the word, never mind say it.

8. It's a fares boundary, like a church, it's hallowed and special ground.

7. By now the situation's a level playing field.

6. It's a press release from a marketing company dressed up in a news story's clothes.

5. There are several reasons I didn't go, none of which are true.

4. Whether they might try and tell, you should never try and bake a fishcake.

3. I'm easy, but don't put that around, I have a reputation to uphold.

2. They didn't have any unconcentrated orange juice, so I had a double-brandy.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. His car sounds like a washing machine which could be a cunning marketing ploy, but he never said so if it was.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 104

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's not your fault, what an excuse.

9. We bonded over belgian buns.

8. My primary school is incredibly small, either that, or I got really big.

7. Glasses, contact lenses and chicken all reduced.

6. I was pushed into this, I wanted to be on the 19.

5. Everything can be recycled, nearly.

4. She's arriving in about 7 minutes, give or take 10 minutes.

3. It doesn't get much bigger than this, look.

2. If you wear a face mask, it doesn't show you're responsible, it shows that you want attention.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You really can't argue with a woman of that build.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Poetry Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 103

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

Don't forget this too, poetry for every bus user.

10. I'll bet we'll be about five minutes late.

9. Please take a bite of this excellent cake.

8. The 14 or 29, it really doesn't matter.

7. Portion control's a myth, you'll still get fatter.

6. No, drinking that here is a fineable crime.

5. I've told you twice, get in the line.

4. Single or Travelpass, plus a pensioner to boot.

3. Don't look now, but that was my foot.

2. 'Formidable', or 'Daring' you could say at best.

1. 'Saints, 'Earls' and 'Westerns' making up the rest.

A special thanks to Komadori for throwing down the gauntlet for this week!

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 102

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I think I'm going to get harassed, which I'm strangely looking forward to.

9. It means nothing if we don't get above 37%.

8. Justifying that is like trying to argue that less trees are good for sawmills.

7. Operation Chocolate is officially launched!

6. That's awfully polite of them, we accept.

5. Birth control pills are harmful, especially if you're trying for a baby.

4. I'm looking forward to the small stubby pencils.

3. Then we get all this money to expand transport, madness.

2. An old-fashioned sweet shop, right here in Swindon.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. He drove hell-for-leather to get here, realised there was no-one in and kicked in the front door, he didn't even leave a note, how rude.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 101

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's called Walk On Woman, by The Boy Done Good.

9. I can see her intentions from here, especially when she bends down.

8. Probably use it for landfill or something.

7. What does the 'a la mode' mean when people have apple pie?

6. You better have put cream on that, I'm not rubbing it in.

5. Sadistic, like the person who keeps re-commissioning Last Of The Summer Wine.

4. Such a beautiful horizon.

3. Every other person is huge, like Chief Wiggum on holiday.

2. 'Crop circles in Lawns', now there's a headline.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Park & Ride is too modern an invention for the Council to work out how to run, they're all being sent on training courses to use their kettles next week.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 100 Not Out

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10. I always get those two mixed up.

9. Never mind his eyes, I think he needs an IQ test.

8. Looking right over her shoulder at me.

7. Ben Affleck was surprisingly good.

6. It's on it's last legs.

5. The Illuminati runs most of Swindon, weekdays only of course.

4. It's all based on anti-matter, which isn't the most solid of foundations.

3. They now do breakfast, which is a form of small evolution, as they now cover all the days meals from dawn till dusk.

2. There was more interference than you'd expect with an aerial of that size.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. It's the last of the series, now I can get back to having a life, of sorts.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 99

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10. Celebrate diversity, yeah, we did all that.

9. I'll have to stop you right there, because I really don't care.

8. It's being diverted, which should be, well, diverting.

7. Take the 2, the 14 or whichever even number you like, they all go there eventually.

6. It's all funny voices and hackneyed old jokes, how funny.

5. It's a tradeoff between letting it fall to pieces because it's not 100% original, or having a functional building with modifications.

4. It's what makes me the delight that I am, even at 7.30 in the morning.

3. He wasn't in the room, it doesn't matter, that's the end of it.

2. Black pumps would set off the trousers perfectly.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. They reported it to me, I weighed the pros and cons and didn't agree with them not one, single bit.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.