Omnibusshambles

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

As goes the Wichelstowe quality bus corridor plan.

The aims of the project already seem to largely exist. The buses in use by Thamesdown are the newer vehicles, fitted with Wi-Fi and information displays, with a highly-recognisable brand (despite the soft market research currently being undertaken by the new owners), with a high frequency of service.

The only aims not already in existence seem to be a quicker journey time, limited stops and traffic priority.

Over £3 million is allocated to speed up the number 11 from 22 minutes journey time to 10 minutes, as the original plan for Wichelstowe foresaw a rapid transit (posh name for fast bus) route.

Swindon Borough Council propose to achieve this by getting rid of pedestrian crossings in Old Town and diverting buses along Wood Street and diverting general traffic in other ways.

Firstly, the 22 minute journey time is from Waitrose and as anyone knows, no-one commutes from Waitrose into town. Secondly, the pedestrian crossings in Old Town are necessary. The footpaths on Devizes Road at the northern end are narrow enough currently that two people have trouble squeezing past each other, let alone if the crossing is removed. The shared space at Regent Circus does work well, but pedestrians only have to look one way on each crossing. Try removing the northern Devizes Road crossing and then attempt to cross over, looking both ways, with no traffic lights and a roadway surface that matches the footpath with a lorry pinning you to the wall of the buildings.  Thirdly, Swindon Centric can't imagine the Wood Street glitterati wanting such common things as omnibuses zooming along ferrying working class people to work.

Trust SBC to want to spend wonga without realising what they've already bought, already had installed, and already don't use. The bus gate, lights and junction on Wootton Bassett Road are currently only used for westbound buses, despite being built for townbound buses from Wichelstowe and has never been used.

Why to goodness does SBC not investigate running a bus from Wichelstowe via Redposts Drive and into town either via the unused bus infrastructure via Penzance Drive and the Outlet or east along Wootton Bassett Road and the former bus route of William Street? The journey time would be nearer the 10 minute mark via William Street than the expensive, strange and dangerous proposals through Old Town.

Rodbourne's Bridge Not Too Far

Congratulations to Network Rail for completing the work on the Rodbourne Road bridges a whole week ahead of planned, for reopening tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Swindon Borough Council's enlightened plan to open the bus gates on Penzance Drive certainly did a lot for drivers in the evening rush hour.

On several occasions in the past few weeks, Swindon Centric has been stuck on Wootton Bassett Road in the rush hour crawling towards Mannington Roundabout with hundreds of others. The cause of the logjam was the opening up of the Penzance Drive bus gate at the Wootton Bassett Road end, clearly no-one had retimed the lights being triggered by a small number of cars every few minutes, turning from Penzance Drive east towards Kingshill, meaning all vehicles heading east and west on Wootton Bassett Road had to wait for the lights to change every minute or so to accommodate the small number of drivers taking advantage of the opened-up bus gate. Once past this spot, the traffic flowed fine.

Genius.

A bus gate designed (traffic signal-phasing included) for a bus every five minutes will operate very differently (and alter the flow of traffic on nearby roads for the worse) if you throw a constant flow of cars at it instead and don't account for that with altering the phasing software.

As far as Swindon Centric and Swindon's buses are concerned, Network Rail can shut Rodbourne Road again if it wishes, just please let SBC remember that bus gates are designed for buses and not cars. Don't just cover the 'bus only' signs up and hope for the best.

Bishopstone Buses It While Heenan Gives No Change

It interesting that when Swindon Borough Councillors don't take the lead with bus matters, things seem to work out better.

A Bishopstone bus plan involving work by Gary Sumner of Wanborough Parish Council, with the SBC transport department, looks likely to come to fruition.

Any story involving SBC councillors and bus services sees a number of predictable steps, these include, but are not limited to the following :

- Warn that SBC cannot continue to subsidise a poor-patronised service.

- In a blatant, or backhand way (depending on your mood that day) lay the blame for the loss of the service on the door of the bus operator, despite it being a service that will never commercially pay it's way (that's why you subsidise it).

- Let the now bus-less residents and bus companies know that you're 'open to suggestions' for possible alternatives, with a smaller pot of money for subsidy than before and suggest any possible bidders be 'creative' with their ideas.

- In conclusion, when the money runs out, blame the bus company for not being commercial enough and the residents for not using the bus enough, but, of course, don't take any blame or responsibility yourself.

Well, you are only the elected representative.

In this case, congratulations to Gary Sumner, Wanborough Parish Council and the SBC transport department for working hard and coming up with a plan.

Well done also to SBC councillors for not interfering... too much (well, one did pose for a photo, so it wasn't quite an A-star).

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 249

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. That foot of yours will have to go.

9. I see no reason we can't have pasta tonight. But I'd prefer a curry.

8. Your afternoon has been rather terrifying.

7. She was asked to return after it had gone back to it's usual size.

6. Mousy, tousled, that type of thing.

5. There's no internal dialogue, I mean I did have my earphones on at that point.

4. Less is very much more, but only on spec.

3. There's no philosophy connected with it, it's just money-grabbing.

2. He's a lot smaller, but that does make him quicker in several respects.


And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Your teeth can't itch, it's the same rubbish people talk about having your heart in your mouth, unless you're eating haggis.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 248

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. This was totally what he warned me would happen even without me sleeping with him.

9. Let me just test out that theory on my thighs, I'll see how I get on.

8. It's an original jumper before they started moving production to Asia and everything was made out of crumbly thread.

7. Round up those paper-thin people from accounts and get them drunk.

6. Zaha is that woman I use to go to zumba with before she got thin.

5. It's not a new one, but it will do I suppose.

4. Imagine for a minute I care about what you're saying, just for a minute.

3. You can't brag about those shoes, look at them, they're not fit to be seen in the dark in.

2. No potatoes have gone up and I'm always at a loose end with them.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I can't prove the moon orbits the earth, but like Mike and his wandering eyes, I know it happens.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 247

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He needs to be kept in check, follow him at lunchtime.

9. It won't be as easy as you make out.

8. I'm not telling you what to tell him, I'm just giving my side of the story.

7. Not very flattering, but I can't understand why you're that bothered by it all.

6. Does Sarah have a coloured baby? Does she have a brown baby?

5. Well I can't do that with these swollen fingers, can I?

4. There are no legal grounds for it's suppression.

3. Steam it open, no one will know, or care.

2. Starting a war is never a business growth move in telesales.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. She looked like she'd have been happier sitting in a chair, with a damp cloth on a her face and someone rubbing her feet.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 246

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It's character building, like divorce.

9. They're brothers but everyone knows he was adopted, meanwhile he was an accident.

8. Everyone had to deal with sore balls, until you get that cream.

7. It's worth £4 each, or 2 for £8.

6. Forget bonding, I had a cracking night on my own with a takeaway.

5. His flat is all well and good, but you can't retire on it can you?

4. There's fire in it, but that might just be the lactic acid.

3. You've never used the word 'medaled' before.

2. Put Sarah down, she does not want to be moved like that.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1.Dressage? Dressage? No idea what it is, but I'm drawn to watch it.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 245

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I suspect you're right, but will pretend you're wrong.

9. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

8. Just 'cos you've got a smartcard, don't act like it's a gold-plated iPad.

7. Yeah but she's a slapper, the whole street knows it, they've all had her.

6. Have you seen Burn Notice? I stream them online, totally illegal but it's quicker than waiting for them.

5. I've done four of these already, want to swap?

4. I smacked her in the mouth, I didn't use my fists, I used my sarcasm.

3. Try seeing what the cuts will do to their I.T. department, less screens and attitude from them for a start.

2. Stare right down there and you can see all the way to the top of the hill.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. They've got the heating on, are they trying to kill me or grow tomatoes?

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 244

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He has the charm of a Lib Dem front-bencher.

9. Wearing pink socks does not make you wild.

8. She stared the entire time, never seen somebody that thin before.

7. I'll buy you a coffee, I haven't the money for a tequila shot.

6. Can you get blue tomatoes?

5. You have a smaller interest in Sally than I thought.

4. Should have left it at home, I told you, didn't I tell you?

3. I'm not interested, just buy me a pair of jeans and be done with it.

2. Does it go to Liden? Does it, I thought Liden was near Oxford.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Don't even reckon on me turning up, I'd just come in, smack two people from the main office in the face, take all the free drinks I'm allowed, and walk out.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Bus Reinstatement Buys Extra Time

Congratulations to all concerned with getting the hybrid 21/23 bus service reinstatement done.

I've been informed on Twitter (by Dorcandave, tip of the hat) that Thamesdown Transport (Swindon's bus company that the Council, and therefore us, all own) carries 175,000 passengers each week. 600 people signed the petition to get the bus service reintroduced, it better translate to bus passenger numbers.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you signed the petition, you should be first at the stop on the day of launch, reasonable ticket prices to suit all pockets!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 243

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. All about what Sophie said, but she's so immature.

9. The night seemed to go on forever.

8. The weather's so gloomy I'll be hard-pressed to find anything worthy to say.

7. I'm so excited, but I bet Steve will come along and find something to make me feel rubbish.

6. I woke up without any pants on.

5. Try eating more fibre, when did you last encounter an apple that wasn't deep fried?

4. You need to remember that accounts are the same department that caught Al Capone.

3. Stop taking all the stationary, some of us actually need paperclips for proper purposes.

2. I always take my bags for life, then forget they're in my pocket.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Someone forgot that it was her birthday, so we nipped to Tescos and bought her some no-frills vodka, she seemed quite touched.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 242

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I remember seeing smoke, but no Indians.

9. You can do it properly, or not at all.

8. He waltzed off and I had to make up the whole time.

7. They always go to play dominos, thrilling I know.

6. I take it that these pants are ones you'll be wearing for special occasions?

5. Only half the lights are on, who do I see about that?

4. It's called a suspection inspection. Sounds serious and severe, but quite quirky.

3. Treating her like that makes me want to become violent, but you've seen my lack of upper body strength.

2. She jumped forward at the lights, I missed by about a foot and a half.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. The sun was coming up over Great Western Way and I thought it looked rather beautiful, don't tell anyone.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 241

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He got the boot.

9. It must stem from his fear of responsibility.

8. I bought a cup of tea and waited until the reduced the price of the fresh bread.

7. You saved 7 pence, talk about tight.

6. Keep your opinion and body odour to yourself.

5. But there isn't a top deck, so your double-capacity strategy is laughable.

4. Everyone saw him out with her, she'd got the face that would suited being stuck on a wooden wall mount.

3. Try and remember why he even thinks it's a good idea to buy a facelift voucher for Jackie.

2. No, we didn't have pasta, I had spaghetti.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. There's only so many ways you can use spinach without making pie out of it.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 240

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It plays really quietly and nearly goes silence.

9. Tuneage.

8. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it'll stop the limp.

7. Carol told me in confidence, which is why that's not her real name, to protect the gossips.

6. Keep him on your left and move forward.

5. The job has been changed, so they can replace him.

4. It doesn't seem fair on those who wear cut-off trousers.

3. But we didn't buy any water so you can't have any clean feet.

2. It would not surprise me if we all get told how bad a job we're doing when we hit the target.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. He only played him once, then they replaced his role with a door handle.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses (Last, Last, Last, Last) Last Week ; 239

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. All I need is a rescue and that'll do it.

9. Come back after 10 minutes and it'll look slightly better.

8. She left all his clothes on the sofa and woke up when Paul came in.

7. But with the discount, you're actually paying more, stop buying chocolate.

6. Don't let him be that manipulative, stand up.

5. Doesn't mean she's going to be a good mother, she's not cut out for it.

4. Turn the other cheek and take the high road.

3. Sandie said they'd all hear come April.

2. You know what needs doing, no-one else has the authority.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Hold on tight, he takes the curves at quite a speed.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 238

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. The situation has become temporarily vacant.

9. I ate all this arguing about small points, and it's all so small.

8. There's an excuse for lethargy, but I can't be bothered to remember.

7. Colin's persuasive way of speaking nearly won me over, but then I remembered.

6. Really danced so hard I broke my heel, they're not really my going out shoes, so it's alright.

5. The place has been left to it's own devices, hasn't been to bad really.

4. I have four layers on and look at my hands, just look at my hands!

3. Remember the important things and don't give time to those people you really don't like.

2. Once more, and this time, I expect you to smile at the end.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Shine a light on the whole messy affair, it's not something you should put up with, ever again.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last (Last) Week ; 237

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I'm trying to breathe, but having some difficulty.

9. Everything is alright if I just forget about it.

8. I've been driving for an hour and didn't realise I hadn't used all of them.

7. Been waiting since 6 o'clock for him to come on duty and there's been no sign of him.

6. On these all day, I'm pretty sure to go loopy.

5. A separate stop is about 10 yards away, why do that?

4. There's a lot of courage in what he did, but that might just be foolishness.

3. Swing into the middle lane and make sure the end's not sticking out.

2. There's a number of reasons I could give you, but the main one is, I really don't want to go.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I could tell you a joke about creme eggs, but it's not very good.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last (Last, Last) Week ; 236

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Don't fall down the front.

9. I was waiting for the one behind, but then I saw you and realised my battery had died.

8. It was built in 1894 in the same time it takes you to make a cup of tea.

7. It's a joy to experience just how unaware Margaret is.

6. There's no other man in the world who is as laid back as you.

5. There's nothing wrong with rogue-ness, but real gents frown upon it most severely.

4. I'd prefer a pasty, but I suppose a salad is just as inviting.

3. The plan will see 30,000 units moved in 18 months.

2. A limit exists, I can't take this anymore.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. He said he needed me to trust him again, and that broke it, it's over.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last (Last, Last, Last) Week ; 235

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. With his height, I'm astonished it's actually an issue.

9. The World's oldest-surviving pants suit.

8. If it had mechanical-conversion, we'd be able to annoy twice as many people in that time.

7. Basically, if I can get a big chicken, we're sorted till Monday.

6. Suspects are high, we should check their pockets.

5. Pastel colours only succeed in making you look like a sweet.

4. It's an adventure playground with plastic balls, I think it's for children.

3. My memory only goes back as far as my husband remembers.

2. Tell HR I've had enough of their tossy attotude.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You can't turn around the ethos of a company that's been badly run since the 80s.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!

Top Ten Things Overheard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 234

Click here for the original at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. There's a link there, haven't a clue what it is though.

9. It's a tablet, you swallow it, don't try and go on Facebook with it.

8. If there's leftovers, they'll be on the turn soon.

7. Fireworks? At 9pm? What is this, North Korea?

6. Let's move away from what you think you should buy and what would suit you instead.

5. There's a mountain of biscuits that are priced cheaper than the carrier bags, come on.

4. Day-in, day-out, I keep finding myself watching rubbish on ITV.

3. Not long before they're gone, for another year and the argument can simmer til then.

2. If it was worth anything, it wouldn't be on sale of a Sierra boot.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. It keeps staring at me, that angel, all haughty on top of the tree, she's such a tart.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email swindoncentric@gmail.com or leave a comment and your phrase could make it onto next weeks list!