Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 97

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I'm innocent on all charges.

9. It was absolute durge.

8. People are suffering in Coleview too you know.

7. The clock still doesn't work.

6. It's amazing the cost of carrier bags these days.

5. I suffocated her with a mountain of memos.

4. It's very full, but at some point, everyone will get off.

3. It's reasonable to assume I'm going to be late.

2. I'm soo outside the bubble, I can't even see it.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Coming soon, an exciting new joke on that, I'm working on it.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 96

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I'm open to the idea, though I'm not mad about it.

9. The tape was entirely wiped, there's no evidence.

8. At least in this dress, no one can see my intentions.

7. They're moving all the stops.

6. How many bags can I safely carry onto the bus?

5. My stop, hurrah!

4. I find it quite pleasing, keep going.

3. It takes a while but drops me right outside.

2. He hasn't been on a bus for years, I doubt he'd know what to do.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I hate it when you're standing and get a text, you can't answer, I've tried it, you fail at both things at once.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 95

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Even if you wanted to, why would you steal all that toothpaste?

9. It's played by a large number of men with odd shaped balls.

8. So long, until tomorrow.

7. That seems to be a mighty big omission, does it not.

6. It's only open for 3 days a week, 4 months a year.

5. I find that if I wait until the corner to press the bell, it keeps them on their toes.

4. It's a fish based dish, he said he didn't like salmon, but ate three and must have liked it.

3. I start every day by asking myself, "why not?"

2. How many more things can Ricky Gervais make that aren't funny?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. A councillor got asked about the non-working clock and appeared to be stumped.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 94

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I've called you already, come get your dinner.

9. There's a spatula under your seat.

8. That jewellery looks awfully good on you.

7. I love his pants, perhaps too much.

6. It bothers me less as the time goes on.

5. No goat's cheese salad for you.

4. You take it out once the top starts to go brown and crispy.

3. If you want me to come round and have a look at your pipes, just tell me when.

2. It's a home opener, the game of summer.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I can't believe that the clock STILL isn't working.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 93

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. It doesn't take much, just a glimpse of a slip.

9. High School Musical 4, come on!

8. It's in quad-sound.

7. Lets smash those calories into dust.

6. She's far more interesting than ITV at prime-time, which isn't saying much.

5. Oh my dear old thing.

4. Have you see what they're wearing, anything they like, they've no sense of fashion anymore.

3. What's with the number of old people wearing coats and scarves when it's 17 degrees and sunny?

2. He told me to suck on that, but I'd had a rather heavy lunch, so killed the atmosphere stone dead.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. I never catch the bus, I risk being seen by people who know who I am, doesn't mean to say I know who they are though.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 92

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I make the same sound as him, but he doesn't like it.

9. There was an awful lot of 'he'.

8. It was wonderful none-the-less.

7. Metalwork is where the fun is at, if Swindon College would have you believe.

6. You've had some of these already, but have some more.

5. I won't be taken seriously.

4. He never gets called a professional man-about-town.

3. Save the library, it's only open for a couple of hours a week.

2. I'm being bugged by the damp course.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. At least it wasn't diarrhoea, then we'd have needed stronger bags.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Joined Up Thinking On Development & Regeneration ; Current Forecast - Patchy

The failure of the Council to specify and give guidance for what will replace the Tented Market (several lacklustre proposals were rejected) contrasts with the longer-term discussions about a snow-dome for North Star.

You'd be forgiven for thinking the railway line marks the dividing line between councils, but alas, the failure to develop the small-fry site that is the Tented Market is brought to you by the same people that seem grown-up enough to talk long term on plans for North Star's leisure facilities.

At least the building at the top of Farnsby Street hasn't been demolished, so can be made of use again. Hopefully the traders who could occupy it again will be selling a wide and interesting range of products. Whether that's food, tools, CDs/tapes/vinyl, mobile phone covers etc. Any chance of a specialist bookshop, or maybe an art gallery?

Swindon Centric Says ; Are the people in charge of economic development, regeneration, leisure, recreation, sustainability and strategic planning unable to concentrate on more than one plan at once? Can you explain their inconsistency?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 91

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I had it stuck in my teeth for several hours.

9. It's entirely fictionalised.

8. If he doesn't like what they turn out like, why does he keep giving them permission to do it?

7. Who isn't in the mood for a nice grisly murder?

6. I was woken up halfway through by the sound of my own snoring.

5. I'm not so highbrow as you two.

4. Were you conned, are you going to admit it to us?

3. I'd like to be a lot fitter, but my legs aren't long enough.

2. It's hard, hard work, he's not use to it.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. These balls are going straight back to the shop as soon as I can manage to lift them.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Bright Eyes Not So Bright For Some Cats

Things are getting desperate in the county if this story is anything to go by, from the mean (and slightly less reflective) streets of Broad Town. Sounds like a case for DI Maggie Forbes and the CATS team.

Swindon Centric Says ; Are there vast amounts of cash to be made from the flogging of cat's eyes to, either blind cats, or road construction companies? Lets check the market conditions of ebay...

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 90

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. How can playing the same song once every hour be called 'music variety'?

9. You'll need red kryptonite to keep people from sitting next to you.

8. There's nothing wrong with that shop, didn't the Queen get her Christmas puddings from there last year?

7. The flute is the most misunderstood of all the instruments.

6. She could use the mashed potato to fill in the cracks on her face.

5. If there's blood on the tracks, it'll be the wrong type of blood.

4. According to this machine, I'm corrupt.

3. Where are you, I'm over here.

2. I haven't had a cold since about 1998, so that's damned good going.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Experimental aircraft, that's what those lights were, but don't breath a word.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Chinese Takeaway As Pagoda Is Left Deserted

The country's biggest chinese restaurant, the Pagoda Palace, has closed without warning.

Formerly the Chinese Experience, customers have lost deposits, phones have been disconnected and the interior fittings having been cleared. The Chinese pagoda-style building remains a landmark in West Swindon, the building was especially striking just after opening when most of the Peatmoor area was yet to be constructed.

Lost motorists would be left scratching their heads as they drove up Mead Way ; there was a lagoon-side Chinese Palace in the middle of the Wiltshire countryside. Am I seeing things?

Swindon Centric Says ; Someone's got to snap up this building, even in the recession, it's a landmark that needs to be empty for as short a time as possible. Last thing we need is another vacant landmark building.

You've Overshot the Consultation Street Stop, Hello?

That seems to be the case on the Groundwell Park & Ride cut.

The passengers trying to save their service reported that the staff at the site had already been paid their redundancy money, before the council meeting, on Monday evening (at which the final decision on the service was meant to be made).

As the dust begins to clear, but the question that no-one seems to be asking the council is why had staff already been given redundancy money before the 'final decision' was made?

Swindon Centric Says ; Was the consultation a sham? Would councillors like to answer this question and explain?

PS - How can the cabinet member for 'Sustainability, Transport & Strategic Planning' (Peter Greenhalgh) seriously dismiss the increase in cars driving into the town centre by saying that this would be cancelled out by not having the park and ride buses running? (This was reported in the Adver's print edition)

Is Mr Greenhalgh aware that a bus only needs to be a third full to be more efficient than the equivalent number of single-occupancy utilised cars? Or does he think all the Groundwell site commuters will be driving into town in hybrids and electric cars when the site closes? Perhaps he's thinking some of them might be Mr Fusion powered DeLoreans?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 89

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. The bus just goes round and round all day.

9. But luckily for me I don't have a job and can spend the day watching press conferences.

8. A stapler shouldn't be called a 'paper adhesive production device', unless you want the hardest of slaps.

7. Her makeup is always two degrees away from a drag queen's.

6. I'm loving the shoes by the way, who's wardrobe did you swipe them from?

5. What you doing here, shouldn't you be in London driving a van?

4. Cherries and bananas are just fruits is like saying acids and drain cleaners are soft drinks.

3. Fashion is a war.

2. It's a ball, it's ball shaped, I don't know how much more I can do to describe it to you.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

CORRECTION : Swindon Centric, thanks to the Director General, now knows his east from west...

1. The number 1 now ends at Fleming Way, where the even number takes the journey onward to the east.

Overheard something we've missed? Let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 88

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. What is the capital city of Taiwan?

9. I know that song, I use to work as the entertainment manager in Woolworths.

8. Change, I'll give you change.

7. A new bike, he'll go to school on a penny-farthing if I have my way.

6. She's on shift for six hours, that means we can go in every 20 minutes and drive her right round the twist.

5. It's the most nutritionally dense food going, unlike ITV primetime programming, which is just dense.

4. They took a sample and found that the centre of the trunk was almost entirely rotten.

3. Something you can really get your teeth into, icing sugar is delicious.

2. Valentine's Day is such a hoot for those who have risen above the fray and can gloat at those who have to pretend to be happy for the sake of their partner.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. If he gave it to you and you've got no symptoms, that means you're a courier... no, carrier sorry.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 87

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I only have eight minutes or less to entertain him.

9. Who would have put us together, not me.

8. The timetable is written by the same people who write political manifestoes.

7. She flew down the bus and hit her head on the validator machine, it started beeping the invalid sound.

6. It's all pillow-talk, don't believe a word.

5. Broccoli, mushrooms and those things that are like mini onions with a funny name like my cousin, Charlotte.

4. He'd never seen Hustle, he kept going on about that crap show, The Real Hustle.

3. Everything is a fight to him, he refused to let the weather beat him and made his way into his the-world-will-end-if-I-don't-get-into-work job on Thursday and Friday.

2. I shook my fish supper on the pavement and created a haven of friction in a land of frozen frictionless wastes.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. The town's out of grit, I'm out of my depth and we're out of options, that's it, call Bruce Willis.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

The Snow - Best Place To Bury Bad News

There are reports today that council tax is expected to rise by 3.5% and the information has been accidently 'leaked' out.

A couple of things about this are rather smelly.

Firstly, this number comes from papers which are to be used at a cabinet meeting on Wednesday when a decision will be made. Surely no decision will be made about the final figure until the meeting? Otherwise the process is a farce if, behind closed doors, an agreement about the number has been made, the meeting would be rather pointless.

Secondly, when Shirley Ludford on Swindon 105.5 mentioned the story in a phone interview with councillor Nick Martin this morning, his response was, "oh, it's been leaked out, has it?" Now the cynic in me thought he sounded not-at-all surprised. But maybe that's the view you get of leaks of information when you've been in office as long as Mr Martin has.

Thirdly, is this a preemptive 'lets make the figure worse than it is, then come in with a lower one, the real one, to everyone's relief and be seen in good light for manipulating people's expectations' ploy?

Swindon Centric Says ; A genuine leak? An 'authorised one? A political spinning of the council tax?

Which one is it? We'll have to wait until the thaw to see what's under the snow.

Where Swindon Centric Goes, Others Struggle To Keep Up

The team at SwindonWeb have only just just reported on the story about The Apartment closing, one week after Swindon Centic broke the story.

Swindon Centric Says ; Expecting The Adver to get this story in a month or two. After the venue has closed and reopened as something else, several times over.

Chaos Begins To Thaw - Swindon Gets The Feeling Back In It's Extremities

The following emergency alterations are in operation:

1/1A: Now operating normal routes.

11: Operating from Rodbourne Arms via Moredon Road, Haydonleigh Drive and Westfield Way to Haydon Wick, not serving Greenmeadow.

13/14: Now operating normal routes.

17: Now operating normal route.

18: Not serving Sparcells Drive.

19: Operating via Marlborough Road to Coate Water and GW Hospital, not serving Windsor Road or Queens Drive.

21: Not serving Ramsbury Avenue at Penhill.

23: Not serving St Helen’s View at Okus, terminating at Tithebarn Crescent.

24: Not serving Whitworth Road, Greenmeadow, Haydon Wick or Ash Brake. Running direct via Cricklade Road to St Andrew’s Ridge and Blunsdon.

Services 26, 43A, 46, 47, 48, 48A, 53, 53B and all school buses are cancelled today.

Stagecoach in Swindon are operating a limited service on routes 7 (every 15 minutes), 51 (As per the timetable from 1420) 54 (Swindon / Wroughton only) & 55 (every 30 minutes).

All other Services are cancelled for the remainder of the day.

Robotic Snowmen Stalk The Streets - Update

A few extra details now about the Doctor Who Christmas Special-like chaos that has been dumped upon Swindon.

Thamesdown services ;

The following emergency alterations are in operation:
1/1A Terminating in West Swindon at Link Centre, not serving Grange Park, Ramleaze or Middleleaze.
11 Terminating at Rodbourne Arms, not serving Greenmeadow or Haydon Wick.
13,14 Teminating at Moredon (Boundary House), not serving Haydon Wick.
17 Operating via Grafton Road at Penhill, stop at Fairford Crescent not being served.
18 Not serving Sparcells Drive.
19 Not serving Marlborough Road, Lawn or GW Hospital.
21 Not serving Penhill Valley.
23 Not serving St. Helen's View, terminating at Tithe Barn Crescent.
24 Not serving Whitworth Road, Greenmeadow, Haydon Wick or Ash Brake. Running direct via Cricklade Road to St. Andrew's Ridge and Blunsdon.
26,46,47,48,53 and all School Buses cancelled.

- Stagecoach Buses remain suspended, but this may change later in the day.

- Swindon College and New College are closed today, with all classes and evening courses cancelled.

Mild Peril Hits Swindon - Snow Covered Zombies Begin To Roam The Street

Swindon has been covered in snow and although the sun has yet to rise panic appears to be spreading all over the town.

- There currently aren't any Stagecoach buses running anywhere in town. There is a note to this effect on their website with updates to follow.

- There don't appear to be Thamesdown Transport services running either, their website has yet to be updated this morning.

- Swindon College at North Star will not open today.

- Roads are blocked all over town, with many people up, but staring out at the snow.

Swindon Centric Says ; What other word can be used other than chaos? Chaos was used earlier this week for that light dusting, so what do we use? Email us your suggestions!