All Votes Are Final & Not At All To Scale

A poll of people's opinions on the canal idea has been conclusive, according to the Advertiser. Their headline read 'You, the readers, are against canal idea'.

Well, that's not accurate. They only asked a thousand people, which out of a borough-wide population of 180,051, isn't a huge sample. Plus, they asked passersby in the town centre. It's doubtful that those people they stopped were first asked whether they read the paper and if not, sent on their way as unsuitable candidates for questioning on the canal.

Swindon Centric Says ; So, the headline 'You, the readers, are against canal idea', is the least accurate headline we've seen recently. But, do you know differently? Can you beat it?

Top Ten Changes To Swindon's Buses This Year

In a slight variation, here is some actual news about our town's bus services. Thamesdown Transport have published outline details of changes due to take effect towards the end of May.

In true, top-ten column style, here are the changes in order of, well, a top-ten :

10. On the 18, good news as services increase to every 20 minutes, though it will be rerouted via Sparcells.

9. The 1A says goodbye to Coleview, which will now be served by probably the 23, despite one of the summaries on the Thamesdown website saying it will be the 18.

8. The NHS Express, number 16 to the GWH, will reduce to every 15 minutes.

7. Penhill gets a new service 21, hourly to the town centre, via Pinehurst and Gorse Hill.

6. Frequency rises to 30 minutes for those on the 24 route.

5. The 11 and 11A will serve an area that doesn't yet exist, East Wichel and so will terminate short of there until anything is built.

4. The 13 and 14 will have times changed after 1800.

3. The 26 will only operate between Rodbourne and Fleming Way.

2. The number 52 will be renumbered to become the 28, because it's a smaller number.

The top rated change to buses is...

1. The number 80 will cease to exist.

If you know of any bigger changes, then please do let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 47

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He's an agent of intolerance.

9. It's brand new, not even in the shops yet.

8. Don't get up yet.

7. That should be fair, but it's not.

6. I'm a typical white person, angry that I've had to fight my way from average to slightly above average.

5. Unless he changes his opinion I'll post it on the internet.

4. I threw him a rope and he wrapped it around his neck.

3. I haven't seen you since before the operation, were they able to save your leg?

2. The immigrants are coming and taking your jobs.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Old Town would be a lovely spot, if only there were less people.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email us at swindoncentric@mac.com or leave us a comment and your phrase could make it onto next week's list!

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 46

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. There's a storm system coming.

9. Those beans need grinding, have you got a grinder?

8. I've got to keep applying lotion, otherwise it just flakes off.

7. Feed me Seymour!

6. People keep talking about trans fats as if they really know what they are.

5. Easter eggs are far too cheap, Christians should be made to pay.

4. Get your hand off there.

3. Dick Cheney gets a bad press and rightly so.

2. I saw her on here the other day, wearing far less than she is now.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Yes we can.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email us at swindoncentric@mac.com or leave us a comment and your phrase could make it onto next week's list!

Get on the bus and get listening!

Heaven's A Dove ; Bird Stops Books On Big Build

With the delight that the new Central Library appears, until now, to be on time, today's story was a piece of fluffy nonsense our town is first-class at.

A dove has nested in the rafters of the new library at Regent Circus and cannot be moved. Not only because it has a library card, but also an act of parliament to protect it. Work, it's been said, will not be disrupted, as extra time is in the schedule to allow for problems caused by wildlife, including councillors.

Swindon Centric Says ; Someone, somewhere on a message board will link the nesting bird story back to immigration and blame it on those from Poland and elsewhere "coming over here and nesting in our rafters". Shame, but true.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 45

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I like the fact that he salutes every time I walk past, even if it is in that peculiar way.

9. Don't rub it in there, you'll set me off again.

8. Fish and chips is like concrete, universal.

7. I can't see where you're pointing, give me the glasses.

6. I wondering if that table has adjustable legs for all heights in the market.

5. They've been booked in for a pedicure.

4. Vote or die, a cheery way to get people into democracy.

3. Use the forks, as Darth Ladel used to say.

2. I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting me eyes.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. She's partial to a piece of red snapper, whether that's a food dish, or a venereal disease, I don't know.

verheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Don't You Know This Story Repeats Itself?

Yes, in the next logical step after Komadori's compiling of government town partnerships/quangos, comes the news that one such group has been disbanded.

The reason?

There's already another group that has the same objectives and does pretty much identical work. With the current news about prostitutes in Swindon, anybody who could do with their help shouldn't expect too much if they're not aware of identical sets of people carrying out identical work.

Hopeless is the word.

Swindon Centric Says ; How much money has The Community, Housing and Special Overview Committee spent and where does the money that's been saved go? All residents don't hold your breath for a cheque in the post.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 44

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Just how far away is Japan, bit further than France?

9. Cover it with mixed spices, you won't be disappointed, unless you sneeze.

8. Martin looks like my Gran.

7. It sounded like mock concern to me.

6. There's not a huge demand for roasted peppers at 1.30 in the morning.

5. She fell over and no-one else tried to help.

4. There's no bad time for a pork pie.

3. The sun never sets on his business empire of garden centres and attached cafes.

2. Plug sockets and forks have an irresistible pull.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. We had lock away the sweet tin, she says she's on a diet, but, it's an open secret she's strayed.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!