Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 45

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I like the fact that he salutes every time I walk past, even if it is in that peculiar way.

9. Don't rub it in there, you'll set me off again.

8. Fish and chips is like concrete, universal.

7. I can't see where you're pointing, give me the glasses.

6. I wondering if that table has adjustable legs for all heights in the market.

5. They've been booked in for a pedicure.

4. Vote or die, a cheery way to get people into democracy.

3. Use the forks, as Darth Ladel used to say.

2. I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting me eyes.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. She's partial to a piece of red snapper, whether that's a food dish, or a venereal disease, I don't know.

verheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 44

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Just how far away is Japan, bit further than France?

9. Cover it with mixed spices, you won't be disappointed, unless you sneeze.

8. Martin looks like my Gran.

7. It sounded like mock concern to me.

6. There's not a huge demand for roasted peppers at 1.30 in the morning.

5. She fell over and no-one else tried to help.

4. There's no bad time for a pork pie.

3. The sun never sets on his business empire of garden centres and attached cafes.

2. Plug sockets and forks have an irresistible pull.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. We had lock away the sweet tin, she says she's on a diet, but, it's an open secret she's strayed.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Three Years Later... Bus Change Story Arrives, Done Badly

A someone said earlier today, the 'news' (which is three years old) that Thamesdown Transport has gained a large amount of revenue from those who overpay for their fares shows the stupidity of those passengers.

Pay the exact fare and there's no problem.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you board a Thamesdown bus, or a Stagecoach one for that matter, with a tenner and expect change for a fare of a pound, then you deserve to have the tenner taken off you and given to someone with more common monetary sense. Whether that person is a bus driver or a member of the public, it doesn't matter, but it's fortunate though that Thamesdown provide this service for those inept citizens of our town who have no common sense.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 43

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. How much is that?

9. Chowder, depends how you pronounce it.

8. Why do fools, like me, fall in love?

7. I was going to stay in, but then I thought, no.

6. Can I have two hundred, he laughed in my face.

5. There we are, told you.

4. What you got?

3. Cook it for two minutes and don't forget to turn it over half-way through.

2. With or without a cover, it'll still shrink and go smaller than under normal conditions.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Dumbledore!

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 41

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. A policy planner, means nothing to real people.

9. I told him to stick it on the front page and see how many we sell.

8. That's a good one.

7. Eggs are like Stephen Fry, highly versatile.

6. My shoes smell like chips.

5. Lets call if off.

4. Look it up in a phone book, lazy sod.

3. I brought the whole thing back up, in glorious technicolor.

2. That's a first.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You'd better hurry up, we're nearly there.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Marvellous Monday Mania Part 2 ; Woman Sets Fire To Bed With Husband In

We wish this story's headline could be...

Wife Sets Fire To Bed After Hubby Failed To Alight Things Between The Sheets!

But, it's simply a case of someone getting angry after drinking and going crazy.

Swindon Centric Says ; And she didn't even get any prison time for it. All around the county tonight there will comments along the lines of, "is that the electric blanket or did you set fire to the duvet?"

Only on a Monday in Swindon.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 40

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Don't do it, it really isn't worth it.

9. He moaned about not being caught speeding, when the reason he was stopped was dangerous driving.

8. We've got ten minutes left, should see the cliffhanger.

7. No, no, they reattached his middle finger, shame.

6. People don't queue anymore.

5. Religion is like a pie, we know better, but we just can't help ourselves.

4. Anyone who thought they were so cool banking with egg have got it all over their face now.

3. Remove the foil first, otherwise you'll be in for a shock.

2. They'll be offering mortgages on park benches soon.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You can't order that, the waiter will think you're a pleb, we all know you are but he doesn't know that.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 39

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . She's a grown woman for goodness sake.

9 . Coronation Street is mindless toss, for people from Manchester it's an insult, there are no cobbled streets any more.

8 . If you twist it until you get the feeling it's about to snap, then let go and jump out the way, that'll do it.

7 . I know what to do, I'm on a scheme.

6 . McDonalds are going to start giving A-Levels in Franglais.

5 . Hooray for sausage rolls.

4 . He's got a free pass, that can't be right.

3 . Advertising Executives are responsible for global warming, all the hot air.

2 . I listened carefully, for twenty minutes, but I still wasn't interested.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . He lives in a raincoat and has to pay council tax.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Woman Sits In A Seat Where A Celebrity Sat ; Town Comes To Standstill

Yes, it's happened again. No, we weren't surprised either.

A Highworth woman got a kiss from Jack Nicholson and somehow the definition of 'news' has been stretched to breaking point to accommodate this happening.

It happened in London, the people who are involved live in Highworth (within the Borough boundaries) and Hollywood.

Errm.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you can find the stories that were forced out, in favour of coverage of this, we'd love to see them. "A story about a cat that walks on four legs, a woman with a collection of paper clips, no, we've got a woman who's kissed a film star, that's the one!"

PS - Expect the headline, 'Newspapers Make You Blind' any day now.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 38

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . I just bought a shredder, it's changed my life.

9 . If you do it a second time, it's very different.

8 . Depends what type of bug it is.

7 . They are very cagey.

6 . Sell them up and ship out.

5 . I never litter.

4 . Law of averages says it's going to happen, it's the law.

3 . I know someone who has panic attacks about panic attacks.

2 . Three-hundred and sixty-two days to go.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . With a touch of water and some rubbing, it'll come up gleaming.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 37

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.


10 . I thought it was over, but it's not.

9 . Minstrel?

8 . I love a bit of it.

7 . It's the no-diet diet.

6 . Bowl of soap and a bacon sandwich will do me.

5 . He went hell-for-leather.

4 . Sisters are like snowflakes, they all have subtle differences.

3 . It sinks by nine inches, I can relate to that.

2 . If you average it out, but if it only happens once, you can't average it, can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . My big toes have a mind of their own.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Self-Inflicted Ignorance

A man from Liden has made the news with his demands for an extra wheelie bin for his family of five.

Frank Stevens says it has been three months since he asked them for an extra black wheelie bin. The council claim a visit to his home, by a waste warden, to assess the situation was met with no answer and left a card, asking him to ring to make another appointment. Mr Stevens claims they produce between five and seven bags of rubbish a week, which is more than a bag of waste per person, per week.

No mention is made of whether he makes use of his recycling box or plastic bottle collection. May we assume he's putting everything inside the black sacks, recyclables and all?

May we inform him that, as a Borough Council resident, he is entitled to a free, second recycling box. If that isn't enough, you can buy extra ones at £4 from the Waterside Park depot.

No mention is made of whether he has a compost bin, once again, you can buy these for £8.

Swindon Centric Says ; Since the photograph of Mr Stevens shows, what looks like cardboard sticking out of one of the bags, there really isn't much PRIDE (the policy of his employer, Nationwide) in his approach to being responsible for his own rubbish.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 36

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . She kept shouting, "Jake, Jake, get out of the water."

9 . There's a growing band of us who no longer find him funny.

8 . It makes a flea market look tidy and organised.

7 . He's some billionaire, they're ten-a-penny these days.

6 . If they reduce the price any further, they'll be giving us money to take the stuff away.

5 . It's about as glamorous as conditioning your hair in a mud bath.

4 . Small percentages, seven percent, nine percent, that's a healthy return these days.

3 . It's all about change, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

2 . The woman's got a fixation about the colour purple, what does that tell you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . Their wedding was cowboy themed, they didn't say, "I do", they said, "yee-harr", it took a lot for us to not shout out, "rawhide".

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 35

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . What the hell is a caucus anyway?

9 . They had smoke damaged Christmas pudding for half-price.

8 . She can't carry a tune in a bucket, let alone three bags of shopping.

7 . No, it's the stop before that stop.

6 . I very nearly got hit by a flying champagne cork.

5 . No, there were police everywhere, needless to say, nobody got arrested.

4 . Only three-hundred and eighty-three days left.

3 . It's the kipper season.

2 . You can't buy class can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . She was happy when I produced three biscuits.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 34

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . But he never admits to making those mistakes.

9 . If you saw what we saw, well, it'd be more fun than a Only Fools & Horses Christmas Special.

8 . It's not Christmas until Tuesday, does anyone apart from me actually know that?

7 . Why is everyone shopping like the end is nigh, the shops only shut for two days.

6 . This festive season I'm putting weight on for the whole family.

5 . People who actually eat mince pies are like those that support keeping the army in Iraq, each year there's less and less of them.

4 . If those carol singers turn up again you'll have to help me barricade the front door with the tree, that crate of beer and half a dozen tins of quality street.

3 . They're doing a 'let's find an Oliver for Oliver Twist' reality show next year, my new year's resolution is to burn my sky plus box.

2 . We didn't get a tree, I swear the neighbours looked at us like we had two heads.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . It's easy to spot the office tart, she's the one who dresses up in the 'sexy santa helper' outfit, like dental hygienists, they just lure men in, they must be stopped.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 33

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . Oh, I'm sorry.

9 . Depends how you define speaking English.

8 . He didn't say anything, not a word of it.

7 . She has more jeans than Levi.

6 . I got a reservation, how's that for service?

5 . In times of crisis, I turn to cottage pie.

4 . No, they're not my gloves.

3 . I can confirm, you really are an idiot.

2 . They've put mistletoe above the queue in the bank, I got away sadly unmolested.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is ...

1 . He said it had probably been lost in the post, everyone's using that excuse these days.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 32

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . What exactly is a figgie pudding?

9 . There's Mat, stick your finger up at him.

8 . People keep giving me sideways glances.

7 . There's a special place in hell for those people who play 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day'.

6 . Everyone's buying LED fairy lights, they're energy saving, you could just not put up any lights and save the planet that way.

5 . It's my record of the week.

4 . That kid needs a bloody good hiding for Christmas.

3 . People seem to forget about Sven, he was foreign.

2 . She said she had a festive bra, we all held back from asking if she had any puddings to put in it.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . They've already got Easter eggs set up, I nearly fainted into the chocolate coins.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 31

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

9 . No, they're still out on strike.

8 . One day they're getting told off for sending offensive emails, then they're getting praised for giving to charity.

7 . You can get cream for that now, I tried the pills, they are huge.

6 . We're a savvy breed, us last-minute shoppers.

5 . I learned a lot from the course, whoever thought hot stone massage could be so in depth.

4 . There's a right way and a wrong way to bake scones and her way is not just wrong, it's 'blindfolded and wrong'.

3 . How do I finish it off, I want to make it sound believable.

2 . That clock's usually slow, apart from the rare occasions it's fast.

And the top ten overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . No, I don't claim child benefit, so I'm laughing.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

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Police Urge Town-Wide Unleading Of Pencils After Precious Metals Thefts

Wiltshire Police have urged residents to be on their guard after a dramatic increase in the number of metal thefts across Swindon.

"Clearly, these people know who they are and we urge anyone who may have seen anyone acting suspiciously, carrying lead sheeting on board buses, for example, to get in touch." That comment from Matthew Picket, Medium Level Inspector for Precious Metals and Counterfeit Confectionery.

There are early signs that the crackdown has begun, three men were arrested on Friday afternoon. They aroused attention as they tried to carry a seventeen foot long steel ingot along Princes Street.

Swindon Centric Says ; Lead inside school pencils is to be removed and stored in a secure, undisclosed location until World metal prices begin to fall. Rumours that the Borough Council is to use the recovered lead to line a nuclear bunker underneath the Civic Offices have not been dismissed this hour.

Fears Don't Grow For Old Building, Story Recycled

The news that the Mechanics' Institute has been put on another 'at risk' list, this time by the Victorian Society, has triggered the recycling of a story several years old.

Every time some new listing or inclusion is made to the empty Mechanics' Institute, a call goes out how urgent repairs are needed and how 'fears are growing' for the building.

Several years ago the building was boarded up and the roof was made safe, it is at less risk of structural failure than it has been since it became empty in the 1980s.

Swindon Centric Says ; It's not at greater risk of collapse, it's has been abandoned for long enough, that's the real story. So why are we not badgering Swindon Borough Council to give us a date by which repair work starts, regardless of who owns it? If commercially, things are not viable, the Council should take it into authority ownership and take the responsibility itself.

That would show courage and proper leadership.