Corked! Councillor Frightened Of Recycling ; Skips Meeting Due To Phobia

We may not be writing about Christmas, but we are on that current small-town staple ; recycling.

The Borough Council cabinet member for the environment cancelled a meeting, in which he would face questions about the new refuse and recycling service, at the last minute, because he wasn't prepared enough for it.

Other councillors said Mr David Wren was informed a month ago of the meeting and that his excuse is not acceptable. They also said most senior councillors have a good enough knowledge of their areas to be ready for a meeting at a day's notice.

Mr Wren defended himself by saying he wasn't informed until two days before and didn't have time to organise.

Councillor Des Moffat said that since he knew he would face a barrage of questions about the new service and the problems with it and that was the reason he didn't show up.

Swindon Centric Says ; Phobia of open space, confined space, spiders, flying, recycling boxes and wheelie bins, ehh?! Did we miss something?

LATE UPDATE

News from the National Centre For Phobia Awareness is that the latest treatment for sufferers of Envirophobia is to hide in a traditional steel rubbish bin, covered by the lid, a la Top Cat. Mr Wren, we know what we're getting you for Christmas!

Wheelie Wheelie Against The Bins

The residents of Broadgreen have launched a petition against the introduction of wheelie bins in their area.

Despite assurances, one resident visited by a Waste Warden does not want a bin, as with other locals, she says there just is not enough space for them.

The resident in question was asked whether she would consider sharing a bin with a neighbour, which seems sensible and an effective solution to some people having little space. Her response ; "No way".

Swindon Centric Says ; You can't really blame the council for missing some streets collections of recycling, wheelies and green sacks when residents have negative attitudes to any sort of change. Its recycling karma Swindon.

Council Launches Big Garden Shed-Sized Recycling Box To Store All Little Recycling Boxes Inside

In a welcome, though slightly bizzare move, Swindon Borough Council has said it will distribute a large, garden shed sized recycling box to store all wheelie bins and recycling containers inside.

Many residents have expressed concern at the space to store all refuse containers when the Borough has town-wide recycling services in July.

'' We voted to provide all residents with a big box, essentially, to store all the other boxes they'll need inside.'' That comment from Chief Recycling Officer, Martin Matryoshka of Swindon Borough Council.

Rumours that to blend in, residents can specify a original 'big' black box, or a newer, orange coloured one to match their proper size containers hasn't been confirmed, though some DIY stores are researching providing garden sheds disguised as huge, walk-in recycling boxes.

The Council refused to be drawn further, but did confirm that the super-sized boxes would be weighed down to keep them blowing down the street in windy weather with bricks and rockery stones on the lids (roofs). They did hint they would be of flatpack construction.

Swindon Centric Says ; If it only costs a fiver to buy these additional big-sized storage boxes, then people could buy half a dozen and convert them to houses!

Ferret Found In Town Garden ; Becomes Media Darling Due To Lazy Reporter

Commotion and non-reasoned celebrity worship hit central Swindon this lunchtime after a ferret was found in the back garden of Swindon Beaver Herald cub-reporter Jimmy Olsen.

'' I'd been at home with some really bad back ache over the weekend and as today was a slow news day, my editor, Mr J J Jameson told me to take today off as well. It was only while I was making some toast that I looked out the kitchen window and noticed a ferret looking into my wheelie bin. I grabbed my camera and snapped a few pictures, then rang my editor. What a scoop.'' That comment from Mr Olsen, of Goddard Avenue.

Ferrets are rare in Swindon, indeed most are upper class and only frequent the top end of Okus Road at Angel Ridge, it's rare according to local experts to find one this far East at this stage of the summer.

This particular ferret is named Celia and is reported to have been separating Mr Olsen's refuse into his recycling box.

Rumours that Celia is due to appear in a feature in the Swindon Beaver Herald with a tie in to the Sunshine Swindon Breakfast Show (Swindon Channel 915 on your Freeview and Sky systems) about minimising your household waste has been denied by Celia's agent, Mimi Crocker, of Crocker's Power Agents.

Swindon Centric Says ; Celia should get a book deal and some awful reality/lifestyle series on Channel 4 or BBC 2 with a pun in the title, Mary Queen Of Shops, who cares?!

Insurgent Rodents Stalk Swindon's Refuse

The debate about the refuse and recycling collection in the town took an unexpected and surprising twist this afternoon.

Many residents have moaned that collections of rubbish every two weeks will lead to more rats and flies attracted to their wheelie bins and unsanitary streets. Despite reasurrances from councillors and the system operating effectively in other parts of town, many remain wary of their rubbish lingering for too long.

Just after noon today a group of four rats armed with an AM80 sidewinder missile gained access to a wheelie bin in an undisclosed area of North Swindon (a rat of a source has since told Swindon Centric the area in question is Queen Elizabeth Drive). Residents were only aware of the occurence after the shockwave from the exploding missile blew out several windows further along the road. The rats are believed to have gotten away with half an uneaten chicken dinner.

'' These rats know who they are and we will smoke them out, this sort of gutter attack will not be tolerated.'' Local beat officer Marcus Geese.

Swindon Centric Says ; We are happy to have lifted the lid of the stench that is underground terrorism in Swindon.

LATE EDITION ; Rumours have flown about the town more times than an RAF Hercules that other rogue rodent insurgent groups have purchased an anti-tank gun for taking out wheelie bin collections for later this week. Some residents are already armour plating their council issue bins.