Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Insurgent Rodents Stalk Swindon's Refuse

The debate about the refuse and recycling collection in the town took an unexpected and surprising twist this afternoon.

Many residents have moaned that collections of rubbish every two weeks will lead to more rats and flies attracted to their wheelie bins and unsanitary streets. Despite reasurrances from councillors and the system operating effectively in other parts of town, many remain wary of their rubbish lingering for too long.

Just after noon today a group of four rats armed with an AM80 sidewinder missile gained access to a wheelie bin in an undisclosed area of North Swindon (a rat of a source has since told Swindon Centric the area in question is Queen Elizabeth Drive). Residents were only aware of the occurence after the shockwave from the exploding missile blew out several windows further along the road. The rats are believed to have gotten away with half an uneaten chicken dinner.

'' These rats know who they are and we will smoke them out, this sort of gutter attack will not be tolerated.'' Local beat officer Marcus Geese.

Swindon Centric Says ; We are happy to have lifted the lid of the stench that is underground terrorism in Swindon.

LATE EDITION ; Rumours have flown about the town more times than an RAF Hercules that other rogue rodent insurgent groups have purchased an anti-tank gun for taking out wheelie bin collections for later this week. Some residents are already armour plating their council issue bins.

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