Traffic Disruption - Hellmouth Opens ; Follow 'Diversion' Signs

A sixty foot long, four foot wide hole has opened up this afternoon across the intersection on the Kemble Drive side of Bruce Street Bridges, the hole isn't due to simple subsidence, no dear residents.

Swindon Centric can reveal today the hole isn't simply causing traffic disruption to people heading into town and to the outlet village, the whole hole is actually, local hole experts conclude, the Swindon gateway to hell.

'' Every couple of decades, somewhere in the UK, a hellmouth or gateway opens up and allows access to the devil's playground. How convenient it happens to have opened up smack bang on our doorstep''. That comment from Derek Johnson, 54, local hole and hell expert said from his house in Toothill.

Rumour that the hole swallowed up a double decker working the route number 10 has been denied by Thamesdown Transport, all their buses are accounted for.

Swindon Centric Says ; We're On A Highway To Hell ; 30mph Limit Strictly Enforced!