Friday, December 29, 2006

Swindon's Babies Getting Too Fat For The Womb, GWH Can't Cope


In a story getting bigger by the minute tonight, Swindon Centric has learned that babies being born in the town are putting a huge, podgy strain on mothers and mid-wives this Christmas season.

Primary Care Trust officials hope this is just a short-term problem as mothers to-be have been over indulging over the holidays. However health and safety chiefs are voicing concern as babies become too big for the mothers they are being delivered by. This follows a unconfirmed report of a heavily pregnant woman giving birth in Bridge Street. Experts have calculated that an oversized baby in an undersized womb has the same explosive potential as a champagne cork in the neck of a bottle.

The mother in question ''had a turn'' in Bridge Street and the baby was ''there one minute and gone the next'', quotes from Stanley Ridge, 48, a full-time Passer-By from Lydiard Millicent. '' There was a noise like an explosion, then the baby was gone, we heard shouts from the Jubilee Clock at the corner of Canal Walk, the baby had landed unharmed wedged in the clock several hundred yards away, my wife didn't see any of it, she was sale shopping''.

Staff at the Great Western Hospital have been issued with hard-hats until the new year

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