XXL Factor ; Council To Rebuild All Schools To Accomodate Fatter Pupils

Swindon Borough Council has announced a programme of school rebuilding right across the board to fit with our lazy societies fatness.

A Education department spokesman said '' it is true that the rebuilding work is to ensure that Swindon's schools can accomodate the growing bulk of the average pupil using them. Classrooms and doorways specifically will see the most money spent on them to have the capacity to cope with portly children.''

A suggestion that the money should be spent on making children take exercise, walk to school and teach parents to feed their kids with real food, as apposed to the plastic, fat filled, sugar and salt sprinkled junk they think passes for it at the moment, has been dismissed as making far too much sense.

Further rumours that parking spaces are to be made wider for bigger cars to carry our greater capacity (technical term for lard-arses) has also been unconfirmed tonight.