Monday, September 10, 2007

Bread Shortages As Hoarding Pensioners Stock Up On Big Baps

We're getting details of a developing story tonight concerning several important ingredients; big baps, yeast and old people.

Shortages of bread began to be reported from 10.30 onwards this morning. Gradually, everywhere had been eaten out by early afternoon, there was a slight lull while those panic buying went home to watch Diagnosis Murder. Eventually the last place left, Sainsbury's Bridgemead, with stocks of organic wholemeal tins ran dry at 3.19pm.

" They swept through, like a tornado, a tornado that picks up bread and queues, pays for it, then dashes for the bus home. This store had 1.3 tonnes of bread products this morning and now we've been cleared out, by pensioners". That quote from Marcus Skelton, store manager at Tesco's at Ocotal Way.

Pensioners throughout the town are thought to have been the only ones to have read the middle business sections of their weekend papers, so reading the stories about bread price rises, thus prompting this morning and afternoon's well organised and polite townwide, yeast based, madness.

Tell The Truthiness ; There really is only one comment to make on a story such as this ; crumbs!

PS - There was one late dash at 4.35 this afternoon when a rumour spread that a lorry load of milk-loaf had been delivered to the Old Town Co-Op. One 23 year old shelfstacker had to be taken to the Great Western Hospital after being buried under 47 packets of fruit scones in the melee. He is being treated for high levels of baked goods in his system. A spokesman said his condition remains soft, delicious and fruity.

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