Dangerous Rise In Number Of Residents Talking Rubbish On Tennis

Swindon has seen a 157% rise in the number of residents talking like they know what they mean about tennis, as Wimbledon began this week.

Shaun Snooper, 34, of the Swindon Eager Listeners Association said, " we have our extensive snoopers around town, many of whom are pensioners who pretend to be deaf, but actually have keener ears than bats. So my advice, if you're going to talk about the tennis for the next two weeks, please do some reading up about the techniques of the many players at Wimbledon, so you sound like you know what you're talking about.''

Swindon Centric understands police are now giving fixed penalty notices for anyone seen standing in a queue at Greggs between the hours of noon and 2pm who talks loudly about tennis.

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