Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 18

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . You haven't got the range my dear.

9 . You need years of intense training, plus several thousand pounds, I'm halfway there.

8 . Really wanna see High School Musical 2, lets go today, lets go mad.

7 . That's nasty, very personal and impossible to deny.

6 . What's that rattling?

5 . They've been hearing a weird noise over at South Marston, 5 to 1 it's the Children Of The Corn.

4 . No doubt in my mind, she's a tart.

3 . I nearly fell asleep, he was that exciting.

2 . Nobody ever wins on premium bonds, it's like phoning into Richard & Judy, you regret it a few minutes later and someone else has got your money.

And the top ten phrase overheard on Swindon's Buses and voted for by the women of the Gorse Hill Cake Baking & Recreational Part Time Nuclear Decomissioning Club (donations of money, cruise missiles and baking soda always welcome) is...

1 . It wasn't until I heard the garage door make a louder crashing sound than normal when I realised his head had got in the way, he didn't make a sound though.

Heard something juicy? Think you can do better? Leave a message or email us on swindoncentric@mac.com

Flats On The Hill ; Locals Throw Up Several Floors Of Opposition

With the results of our latest-ish user interactive interface, Swindon Centric can give the council and developers thousands of pounds worth of free polling.

66% of those polled said Old Town needs more flats like a hole in the head.

33% said the top of town does need more flats. We can't help think those people are those who want to make a fast buck by buying property up and leasing it to line their pockets.

Curiously, nobody answered 'no'.

Swindon Centric Says ; More scientific than a doppler radar, cheaper than a cornish pastie ; the Swindon Centric User Interface!

Golfers Tee-ed Off For Doing The Right Thing

A man who stole more than £6,000 from a golf society has been forgiven by his fellow members.

And in a suitable Swindon Reality twist to the story, the men who told the police about him have been blacklegged by the society. He got into financial difficulties and took the money to cover himself.

Love and understanding does seem selective in this story, as most members of the society have forgiven the man in question, however they cannot understand the opinion of those members who oppose the kindness shown to him, since he stole from them.

One quote sums up the bizzare details of all this in one, from Mr Humphries, speaking about the man under police investigation, " This has affected his life in a big way. His social life isn't what it used to be."

Swindon Centric Says ; We don't think our social life would be what it used to be if we didn't have £6,000 in our back pocket.

Phew What A Scorcher! Good Looking A-Level Teens In Short Supply, Urgent Call!

The Swindon Centric Blog is appealing on behalf of the Swindon Beaver Herald for any young people between the ages of 16-21 for current photography work.

Today and tomorrow's newspapers countrywide are full of photographs of A-Level students holding exam result notification. All those girls and boys featured are picked to be good looking, with tanned skin, small t-shirts, figure-hugging or cut off jeans and crop tops.

Unfortunately, since all sub-editors require candidates that look like extras from High School Musical, there is a nationwide shortage of fresh-faced, Disney Channel suitable subjects.

So if anyone out there thinks they could grace tomorrow's front pages, please contact the Swindon Beaver Herald on 01793 123456, let it ring twice then ask for Jimmy Olsen on the picture desk. Alternatively just dial 100 and you'll be instantly connected to the Daily Mail Good Looking Teenagers To Put On The Front Page To Sell More Papers Department.

Swindon Centric Says ; Or has natural selection weeded out all the ugly students?

Shoppers Urged To Be Aware Parking Ticket Prices Do Not Include Singing License

Only in Swindon.

A man who was yodelling was asked to leave the Brunel Centre as he was scaring shoppers. If you don't believe us, here's the story.

The gentleman in question is astonished that paying £7.50 to park his car doesn't allow him the right to sing.

We won't go through all the lurid details of this 'story', suffice to just sum up what we learned from it.

1 - Singing in a toilet could lead to worse things.

2 - In future we should demand that shopping centres provide car parking that includes the cost of singing on their property.

3 - Yodelling may help to reduce the risk of high blood pressure, as yodelling is rich in antioxidants.

4 - The Brunel Centre's security staff will assist those shoppers who find singing frightening.

Swindon Centric Says ; If this story wasn't real, we would have to have made it up.

Building At Coate - That's Soo Last Year?

Another week, another amount of policy fuzziness on the building at Coate plan.

First we were told that nothing would get built unless a university was to go with it.

Then we were assured the Council were in discussion with several universities.

Following the University Of Bath dropping out, a plea was given for any other universities which were interested to make themselves know.

The next twist was the comments made by the Great Western Hospital, which made clear it would not support development since the developers had not set aside enough land needed. They had suggested the GWH use land planned for an extended park-and-ride instead.

Not exactly an appropriate suggestion for an area meant to be a shining example of sustainability is it?

Then, the University Of The West Of England is believed to be in talks with the Council to build a campus at North Star. Bringing us full circle to the discussions several years ago of a town centre university.

Swindon Centric Says ; Just build it at North Star, if it's a failure at least we can still go back to Coate, the land will still be there. Won't it?

Waiter, There's A Zero Star Rating In My Soup

The council have released another fresh (not for all of them, bit smelly and e coli-looking some of them) batch of food hygiene ratings.

Those places in the Borough that got the lowest ratings include, Co-op in Old Town, Swindon Bazaar cash and carry in Lagos Street, Park Fish Shop in Cavendish Square, La Dolce Vita Restaurant Clarence Street, Oldham's takeaway in Rodbourne Road and Dixy Fried Chicken on Victoria Road, Terry Catering van on the Hawkesworth industrial estate, Gorse Hill Working Men's Club, the Patriot Arms pub in Chiseldon and the Sun Inn in Marlborough Road. Fourteen food premises were awarded the highest five star rating.

Swindon Centric Says ; No-one can fail to be interested in where got the low ratings, but it's highly informative to find that La Dolce Vita is bracketed in the zero rating league. We were always under the impression it was one of the better places, considering their prices and usually being full.

The moral of the story? Just because you've got decorative lions at your front door does not mean the glasses are clean.

My Locarno Is Now A Trendy Wine Bar

After years of standing weedy and slightly charred (twice), the old Locarno building in Old Town is to be rebuilt as, mostly, luxury flats.

There is provision for a gym and bar plus restaurant in the plans, which have yet to be confirmed as the owner has to apply for a license. Of course we all know how new applications for alcohol licenses are felt about by residents in Swindon.

Swindon Centric Says ; On the one hand it's good this plan has been signed, ok it's not yet built, but it's another step forward. But there is a real worry among Swindonians that Old Town will have thousands of flats and no facilities. Could the situation that reared itself on the new estates built around the town come back to haunt the modern day council? That was when estate after estate of new houses were built with no schools, shops, playgrounds, GPs etc to accompany them. Several areas of Swindon continue to suffer the ill effects of poor infrastructure provision to this day.

Will this poor planning situation be repeated and magnified in Old Town because of the high density of residences?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 17

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . Oh my god that's so cool, it's got steps.

9 . I really want to see Hairspray.

8 . Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does.

7 . Those people who moan about the recycling shouldn't get anything collected at all and be left to fend for themselves.

6 . Can you say that in your real voice?

5 . No, it's really absorbent.

4 . He's going to Newquay to try surfing, he'll end up legless and he doesn't drink!

3 . That woman in charge of the foot and mouth outbreak is called Debby Reynolds. When she appears on the news I keep whistling the Singin' In The Rain tune.

2 . Its a charter flight, so we're meant to leave at 5am, so it'll probably be noon before we takeoff.

And the top ten overheard phrase on Swindon's buses last week is...

1 . I ate that half of mars bar, even though it was fluffy, I was so hungry I didn't care anymore.

Overheard something interesting? Think you can do better? Then let us know.

In The Toilet ; Swindon Wants More Paper

In the latest exciting user interactive interface (a poll to those who can use less words), Swindon has spoken with a mighty voice.

Shouting "read all about it" , 80% of those polled have said a second daily newspaper for Swindon would improve the coverage of the town's news.

Swindon Centric Says ; Can a fast-growing newspaper market in this provincial town attract eager, fresh journalistic talent? Anyone about to be put on part-time at the Bath Chronicle reading this?

Swindon - Wide Empty Spaces

The behind the scenes of the town centre redevelopment has moved on a step with the selling of Davis House, just off Corporation Street.

However, the New Swindon Company admits that building work of any sort won't start until March, but will probably be delayed until after next summer. Davis House is part of The Exchange redevelopment scheme which includes the former Thamesdown Transport depot and bus station.

Swindon Centric Says ; When are any of the spaces in the town centre going to be built on and wouldn't it be better to keep buildings that are due for redevelopment in use until the construction is to start?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 16

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. That helicopter was hovering all night.

9. I have fascinating thigh muscles.

8. He only just had the chance to wear his summer stuff on Saturday.

7. She reckons I have no taste, what a cheek.

6. They keep doing tests but they still don't know what's wrong with her.

5. He told me it was her birthday today, never mind.

4. I'd had one too many lemonade shandys to know what happened.

3. Just concentrate on the sound of my voice, now lend me a tenner.

2. We didn't even get her a leaving present.

And the top rated phrase overheard on Swindon's buses last week is...

1. If I wear it in Westlea its a skirt, if I wear it in Old Town it gets called a belt.

Web Voting Unreality From Swindon's Returning Officer

Swindon's Deputy Returning Officer Alan Winchcombe seems to live in a parallel universe, a bit like in Back To The Future Part 2.

He's been defending the e-voting that took place in Swindon for the local elections in May. Despite one of the town's MP's saying she found the system 'unacceptable', despite the Electoral Commission saying further trials had 'little merit', Mr Winchcombe seems to think the system's fine.

He said the system didn't work in some places but did work in Swindon.

How did it work? Did it work by taking into the early hours of the following morning for the e-votes to be counted, longer than their paper ballot equivalent? Did it work by the equipment being set up in a rush of a few weeks, when it should have taken months of preparation? Did it work by some people thinking they had only the option of voting electronically? Did it work by having inadequete booths, were it could be witnessed several feet away who those on PCs were voting for?

Swindon Centric Says ; But don't expect these questions to be answered by Alan Winchcombe, he's stuck in an alternative 1985, where Swindon 'Hill Valley' is controlled by Biff Tannen and the town hall is a casino hotel.

Swindon Needs A New Girl Friday ; Our Appeal

Anyone out there with a few million pounds spare?

Bored of bland news in small provincial towns?

Banish that dusty problem cash and column inch misery by investing in a second Swindon daily newspaper!

Today the Swindon Centric Blog launches a campaign (it'll probably just last a week) to get someone, anyone to give the town competition in the form of a second daily town-wide newspaper.

Competition can only lead to better reporting, varied content and quality writing.

Swindon Centric Says ; Does Perry White need a change of scene?