Woman Sits In A Seat Where A Celebrity Sat ; Town Comes To Standstill

Yes, it's happened again. No, we weren't surprised either.

A Highworth woman got a kiss from Jack Nicholson and somehow the definition of 'news' has been stretched to breaking point to accommodate this happening.

It happened in London, the people who are involved live in Highworth (within the Borough boundaries) and Hollywood.

Errm.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you can find the stories that were forced out, in favour of coverage of this, we'd love to see them. "A story about a cat that walks on four legs, a woman with a collection of paper clips, no, we've got a woman who's kissed a film star, that's the one!"

PS - Expect the headline, 'Newspapers Make You Blind' any day now.

McDonalds : Do You Want Fries And Heartburn With Your A-Level?

Sometimes, satire based blogs and other sources of current affair based comedy don't even have to bother to get a laugh, hence yesterday's announcement.

Swindon Centric Says ; Employees note, you can get an 'A*' grade on these A-Levels by using a star from your name badge.

Corporation Tries To Change Culture ; For Their Own Benefit

The heavy lobbying by McDonalds to get the word 'McJob' removed from the Oxford English Dictionary seems to have flown under the radar recently.

A multinational corporation pushing to have an English word removed from English dictionaries? Seems like a real-life version of Big Brother.

Swindon Centric Says ; Will McDonald buy a pallet of dictionaries and burn them if the word isn't removed?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 38

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . I just bought a shredder, it's changed my life.

9 . If you do it a second time, it's very different.

8 . Depends what type of bug it is.

7 . They are very cagey.

6 . Sell them up and ship out.

5 . I never litter.

4 . Law of averages says it's going to happen, it's the law.

3 . I know someone who has panic attacks about panic attacks.

2 . Three-hundred and sixty-two days to go.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . With a touch of water and some rubbing, it'll come up gleaming.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 37

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.


10 . I thought it was over, but it's not.

9 . Minstrel?

8 . I love a bit of it.

7 . It's the no-diet diet.

6 . Bowl of soap and a bacon sandwich will do me.

5 . He went hell-for-leather.

4 . Sisters are like snowflakes, they all have subtle differences.

3 . It sinks by nine inches, I can relate to that.

2 . If you average it out, but if it only happens once, you can't average it, can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . My big toes have a mind of their own.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Self-Inflicted Ignorance

A man from Liden has made the news with his demands for an extra wheelie bin for his family of five.

Frank Stevens says it has been three months since he asked them for an extra black wheelie bin. The council claim a visit to his home, by a waste warden, to assess the situation was met with no answer and left a card, asking him to ring to make another appointment. Mr Stevens claims they produce between five and seven bags of rubbish a week, which is more than a bag of waste per person, per week.

No mention is made of whether he makes use of his recycling box or plastic bottle collection. May we assume he's putting everything inside the black sacks, recyclables and all?

May we inform him that, as a Borough Council resident, he is entitled to a free, second recycling box. If that isn't enough, you can buy extra ones at £4 from the Waterside Park depot.

No mention is made of whether he has a compost bin, once again, you can buy these for £8.

Swindon Centric Says ; Since the photograph of Mr Stevens shows, what looks like cardboard sticking out of one of the bags, there really isn't much PRIDE (the policy of his employer, Nationwide) in his approach to being responsible for his own rubbish.

No 'News' In Today's Papers, Residents Not At All Surprised.

The remote possibility that a pub may be haunted, backed up by some 'evidence' in the form of dubious camera phone footage, has taken the place of any real news today.

No-one is particularly surprised. But what is inexcusable is the lack of coverage of those stories that really matter to the town as proper local news. As Komadori rightly pointed out, the Council is to discuss tonight the proposed replacement to the Tented Market at the corner of Commercial Road and Farnsby Street. The replacement is another faceless, 'could be anywhere' set of retail units. When did the word 'building' get replaced by the sterile, uninspiring word 'unit' in planning parlance?

Lets hope planning officers take on board the definition 'landmark' and tell the designers to try harder. Same for the town's news coverage. Start by looking up the word 'news'.

Swindon Centric Says ; If the proposed design is approved then the impact of residents sense on that area will be unchanged. Its sure to be the case that people will give directions to drivers as "where the tented market used to be". What stands out about the 'units' design?

Write in and tell us and you could win a free copy of artist's impressions.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 36

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . She kept shouting, "Jake, Jake, get out of the water."

9 . There's a growing band of us who no longer find him funny.

8 . It makes a flea market look tidy and organised.

7 . He's some billionaire, they're ten-a-penny these days.

6 . If they reduce the price any further, they'll be giving us money to take the stuff away.

5 . It's about as glamorous as conditioning your hair in a mud bath.

4 . Small percentages, seven percent, nine percent, that's a healthy return these days.

3 . It's all about change, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

2 . The woman's got a fixation about the colour purple, what does that tell you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . Their wedding was cowboy themed, they didn't say, "I do", they said, "yee-harr", it took a lot for us to not shout out, "rawhide".

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 35

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10 . What the hell is a caucus anyway?

9 . They had smoke damaged Christmas pudding for half-price.

8 . She can't carry a tune in a bucket, let alone three bags of shopping.

7 . No, it's the stop before that stop.

6 . I very nearly got hit by a flying champagne cork.

5 . No, there were police everywhere, needless to say, nobody got arrested.

4 . Only three-hundred and eighty-three days left.

3 . It's the kipper season.

2 . You can't buy class can you?

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1 . She was happy when I produced three biscuits.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!