All Votes Are Final & Not At All To Scale

A poll of people's opinions on the canal idea has been conclusive, according to the Advertiser. Their headline read 'You, the readers, are against canal idea'.

Well, that's not accurate. They only asked a thousand people, which out of a borough-wide population of 180,051, isn't a huge sample. Plus, they asked passersby in the town centre. It's doubtful that those people they stopped were first asked whether they read the paper and if not, sent on their way as unsuitable candidates for questioning on the canal.

Swindon Centric Says ; So, the headline 'You, the readers, are against canal idea', is the least accurate headline we've seen recently. But, do you know differently? Can you beat it?

Top Ten Changes To Swindon's Buses This Year

In a slight variation, here is some actual news about our town's bus services. Thamesdown Transport have published outline details of changes due to take effect towards the end of May.

In true, top-ten column style, here are the changes in order of, well, a top-ten :

10. On the 18, good news as services increase to every 20 minutes, though it will be rerouted via Sparcells.

9. The 1A says goodbye to Coleview, which will now be served by probably the 23, despite one of the summaries on the Thamesdown website saying it will be the 18.

8. The NHS Express, number 16 to the GWH, will reduce to every 15 minutes.

7. Penhill gets a new service 21, hourly to the town centre, via Pinehurst and Gorse Hill.

6. Frequency rises to 30 minutes for those on the 24 route.

5. The 11 and 11A will serve an area that doesn't yet exist, East Wichel and so will terminate short of there until anything is built.

4. The 13 and 14 will have times changed after 1800.

3. The 26 will only operate between Rodbourne and Fleming Way.

2. The number 52 will be renumbered to become the 28, because it's a smaller number.

The top rated change to buses is...

1. The number 80 will cease to exist.

If you know of any bigger changes, then please do let us know.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 47

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. He's an agent of intolerance.

9. It's brand new, not even in the shops yet.

8. Don't get up yet.

7. That should be fair, but it's not.

6. I'm a typical white person, angry that I've had to fight my way from average to slightly above average.

5. Unless he changes his opinion I'll post it on the internet.

4. I threw him a rope and he wrapped it around his neck.

3. I haven't seen you since before the operation, were they able to save your leg?

2. The immigrants are coming and taking your jobs.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Old Town would be a lovely spot, if only there were less people.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email us at swindoncentric@mac.com or leave us a comment and your phrase could make it onto next week's list!

Get on the bus and get listening!

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 46

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. There's a storm system coming.

9. Those beans need grinding, have you got a grinder?

8. I've got to keep applying lotion, otherwise it just flakes off.

7. Feed me Seymour!

6. People keep talking about trans fats as if they really know what they are.

5. Easter eggs are far too cheap, Christians should be made to pay.

4. Get your hand off there.

3. Dick Cheney gets a bad press and rightly so.

2. I saw her on here the other day, wearing far less than she is now.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Yes we can.

Overheard something we've missed? Then email us at swindoncentric@mac.com or leave us a comment and your phrase could make it onto next week's list!

Get on the bus and get listening!

Heaven's A Dove ; Bird Stops Books On Big Build

With the delight that the new Central Library appears, until now, to be on time, today's story was a piece of fluffy nonsense our town is first-class at.

A dove has nested in the rafters of the new library at Regent Circus and cannot be moved. Not only because it has a library card, but also an act of parliament to protect it. Work, it's been said, will not be disrupted, as extra time is in the schedule to allow for problems caused by wildlife, including councillors.

Swindon Centric Says ; Someone, somewhere on a message board will link the nesting bird story back to immigration and blame it on those from Poland and elsewhere "coming over here and nesting in our rafters". Shame, but true.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 45

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. I like the fact that he salutes every time I walk past, even if it is in that peculiar way.

9. Don't rub it in there, you'll set me off again.

8. Fish and chips is like concrete, universal.

7. I can't see where you're pointing, give me the glasses.

6. I wondering if that table has adjustable legs for all heights in the market.

5. They've been booked in for a pedicure.

4. Vote or die, a cheery way to get people into democracy.

3. Use the forks, as Darth Ladel used to say.

2. I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting me eyes.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. She's partial to a piece of red snapper, whether that's a food dish, or a venereal disease, I don't know.

verheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Don't You Know This Story Repeats Itself?

Yes, in the next logical step after Komadori's compiling of government town partnerships/quangos, comes the news that one such group has been disbanded.

The reason?

There's already another group that has the same objectives and does pretty much identical work. With the current news about prostitutes in Swindon, anybody who could do with their help shouldn't expect too much if they're not aware of identical sets of people carrying out identical work.

Hopeless is the word.

Swindon Centric Says ; How much money has The Community, Housing and Special Overview Committee spent and where does the money that's been saved go? All residents don't hold your breath for a cheque in the post.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 44

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Just how far away is Japan, bit further than France?

9. Cover it with mixed spices, you won't be disappointed, unless you sneeze.

8. Martin looks like my Gran.

7. It sounded like mock concern to me.

6. There's not a huge demand for roasted peppers at 1.30 in the morning.

5. She fell over and no-one else tried to help.

4. There's no bad time for a pork pie.

3. The sun never sets on his business empire of garden centres and attached cafes.

2. Plug sockets and forks have an irresistible pull.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. We had lock away the sweet tin, she says she's on a diet, but, it's an open secret she's strayed.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Three Years Later... Bus Change Story Arrives, Done Badly

A someone said earlier today, the 'news' (which is three years old) that Thamesdown Transport has gained a large amount of revenue from those who overpay for their fares shows the stupidity of those passengers.

Pay the exact fare and there's no problem.

Swindon Centric Says ; If you board a Thamesdown bus, or a Stagecoach one for that matter, with a tenner and expect change for a fare of a pound, then you deserve to have the tenner taken off you and given to someone with more common monetary sense. Whether that person is a bus driver or a member of the public, it doesn't matter, but it's fortunate though that Thamesdown provide this service for those inept citizens of our town who have no common sense.

First Great Western's Millions & The Missing Stories

Swindon's train company today announced a £29 million plan to boost stagnant service. The details include the leasing of five additional trains for local services and an additional high speed train to make things, as they say more "resilient".

A national newspaper reported on a cock-up in the publishing of FGW's reliability figures from August to December last year. Yes, you've guessed it, local media failed to read The Guardian and cover the story. They instead were only aware of the investment money and nothing further.

Swindon Centric Says ; Poor coverage, once again, from the home of the GWR and of the current FGW. Our news reliability figures are nothing to shout about either.

Essential Sunday Reading ; Councillors & Their Attendance Records

A link here to the excellent investigative report by Komadori about local councillor's attendance at meetings, after Mr Thompson's goings on, or not as the case may be, it's only right all the other's are given the once over.

Swindon Centric Says ; All the news that's fit to print.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 43

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. How much is that?

9. Chowder, depends how you pronounce it.

8. Why do fools, like me, fall in love?

7. I was going to stay in, but then I thought, no.

6. Can I have two hundred, he laughed in my face.

5. There we are, told you.

4. What you got?

3. Cook it for two minutes and don't forget to turn it over half-way through.

2. With or without a cover, it'll still shrink and go smaller than under normal conditions.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. Dumbledore!

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Stupidity By Consensus ; Barrie Thompson - Some Questions

Why have nearly all politicians in Swindon come out in defence of a ward councillor who has not been representing his constituents and took, he claims £5000 in expenses?

Nationally, this is a hot topic, so why is the tolerance of this at a local level so different?

Why has Mr Thompson tried damage limitation by reminding us he voted against allowance increases? Is he trying to say in a perverted way, "it could have been worse, I could have claimed even more, think yourselves lucky"?

Why, when Mr Thompson's ill health became clear, was this situation not dealt with properly by the other members of the council?

Why has it been allowed to go on for so long, before exploding like this?

Swindon Centric Says ; Any unique situation like this that is left to fester by councillors, makes it look more like an attempt to cover things up from the voters viewpoint. Any politicians, local or national in Swindon, now have a chance to mend this 'circling of the wagons' action and conduct themselves correctly while dealing with this.

Come on, surprise us councillors and MPs.

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 42

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Northern Rock was brought down by that Robert Peston from the BBC, he broke the story and all those idiots started taking out their money.

9. As Toyah Wilcox says, its a mystery.

8. Buy, buy, buy!

7. More than likely, probably.

6. He started squinting. No, I said squinting.

5. The midnight hour is close at hand.

4. Hurrah to the Fleetliners.

3. Whenever they did run a double-decker, everyone forgets about the upper deck and ends up squeezed on the lower deck, fools.

2. Get greased up, eat some mackerel and the omega three will get you going.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. What’s a boss? It’s someone who sits doing nothing behind a desk all day, and claims they’re why the company’s a success.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

We Can't Tell You, But We'll Stick Everything But 'It' On The Front Page

The trial concerning the horrific hammer attack at Ridgeway School has come to an end. And the Advertiser is narked that it can't report the verdict.

A gagging order has been placed on reporting the verdict to prevent prejudice of a second trial expected to begin soon. Seems fair enough, but the local paper seems to disagree. To vent their displeasure, they've placed the reason they can't report it, right on the front page.

Swindon Centric Says ; Here's a chance to fill the paper with insightful, detailed, analytical stories from that seldom used department 'investigative reporting'. Anyone at the Advertiser remember what that is?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 41

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. A policy planner, means nothing to real people.

9. I told him to stick it on the front page and see how many we sell.

8. That's a good one.

7. Eggs are like Stephen Fry, highly versatile.

6. My shoes smell like chips.

5. Lets call if off.

4. Look it up in a phone book, lazy sod.

3. I brought the whole thing back up, in glorious technicolor.

2. That's a first.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You'd better hurry up, we're nearly there.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!

Friday Foolishness ; Drunks Get Free Flip-Flops & Sweeties

Ok, this story isn't from today, but local 'news' is thin on the ground today. The Swindon Community Safety Partnership is to give drunken people in the Fleet Street area an 'emergency kit' which consists of a personal alarm, bottle of water, condom, flip-flops and, wait for it, a lollipop.

We won't go into details, as to how and why the items are thought to reduce the problems with night-time drinking, but combined with the recent news of the closure of John Street and Fleet Street during the end of the week, we're wondering what the next step will be.

It's awfully nice for (yet another Partnership for you Komadori) some folk to want to ensure people's safety, but why should people who choose to go out and get blind drunk get such special treatment?

Swindon Centric Says ; A better solution would be a zero tolerance attitude to excess drinking and a sharper licensing of the Fleet Street area to get the pubs and bars spread out. Some people may remember, not that long ago when that area had shops. What a novel idea for a town centre. Unless you wish to drown your sorrows, after dark it's not the nicest spot.

PS Next week's predictive headline... Council Installs Foam Rubber Pavement In Fleet Street To Protect Drinkers From Trips & Falls

Marvellous Monday Mania Part 2 ; Woman Sets Fire To Bed With Husband In

We wish this story's headline could be...

Wife Sets Fire To Bed After Hubby Failed To Alight Things Between The Sheets!

But, it's simply a case of someone getting angry after drinking and going crazy.

Swindon Centric Says ; And she didn't even get any prison time for it. All around the county tonight there will comments along the lines of, "is that the electric blanket or did you set fire to the duvet?"

Only on a Monday in Swindon.

Marvellous Monday Mania Part 1 ; Let The Hot Air Blow

Today we have a woman who organised a protest on White Horse Hill, against the despoiling of her neighbourhood by the Westmill Wind Farm.

The farm has seen the turbines erected last week, with testing taking place before they go live. Joanna Lambert though, who knew about the turbines when she moved to the area in 2004, but 'wasn't fully aware of it's scale' can't see the turbines from her house. She claims they spoil the view. She doesn't specify for who, maybe it spoils the view for her when she takes a walk up on the hill, woe is her. Joanna Lambert was on top of White Horse Hill on Saturday for like-minded folk to join her and moan. Priority was given to those who live in a local radius to invest in the venture. Joanna Lambert may be surprised to find some of her neighbours have shares in the farm.

Swindon Centric Says ; Could she not see the cooling towers of Didcot Power Station when she gazed down from the Hill? Doesn't this have a bigger impact on the view than the five windmills?

She didn't mention Didcot Power Station. We've provided a picture above, which shows this for her, with the power station in the background. Were the tears she was shedding over the wind farm blurring her view of the huge coal and gas fired generating station?

Top Ten Things Heard On Swindon's Buses Last Week ; 40

Click here for the original and still the best at this brilliant idea, here's our own version for Swindon's buses from last week.

10. Don't do it, it really isn't worth it.

9. He moaned about not being caught speeding, when the reason he was stopped was dangerous driving.

8. We've got ten minutes left, should see the cliffhanger.

7. No, no, they reattached his middle finger, shame.

6. People don't queue anymore.

5. Religion is like a pie, we know better, but we just can't help ourselves.

4. Anyone who thought they were so cool banking with egg have got it all over their face now.

3. Remove the foil first, otherwise you'll be in for a shock.

2. They'll be offering mortgages on park benches soon.

And the number one overheard phrase on Swindon's buses from last week is...

1. You can't order that, the waiter will think you're a pleb, we all know you are but he doesn't know that.

Overheard something we've missed? Then let us know.

Get on the bus and get listening!